Petrichor

Tags

birds, chime, contentment, dry spell, earthly desires, glorious sight, monsoon, musty smell of earth, petrichor, rain, respite, soul, trees, wind, window panes

PC: Pinterest

One word prompt: Petrichor

The curtains flailed wildly, its rings clanking against the rod, a chime of sorts. The door creaked, albeit faintly, as it swayed to the rhythm of the wind. I woke up to the sound of first drops pelting the ceiling, turning stronger by the minute. Window panes streamed with water as the sky thundered with all its might. After weeks of dry spell, scorching sun parching throats and glazing skin with sweat, this unseasonal rain was a welcomed respite. Moreover, the aesthetics of rains have always soothed me and I’ve fond memories of every monsoon.

The billowing trees and blossoming buds glistened, as though they’d been painted afresh. Like me the nature too rejoiced as little birds chirped gaily and flitted from tree to tree. Cool breeze whisked my hair and droplets grazed my feet, as I stood still immersed in the glorious sight, inhaling the musty smell of wet earth. I closed my eyes and a mere blankness engulfed my mind, enclosing me in a sanctum of pure contentment. Momentarily the banal earthly desires vanished, replaced by a higher level of awareness.

As the rain cleansed the earth, petrichor cleansed my soul.

 

Contemplate

Tags

awake, contemplate, error in judgement, sugar coated lies, true colours, turn of events

One word prompt: Contemplate 

I toss and turn in agitation. I inhale and exhale, desperate to calm my queasiness and this growing sense of despair but sleep evades me and I’m unable to think straight, drowning in the cacophony of my own frazzled thoughts. I lie on my bed, wide awake at this ungodly hour, contemplating the reason for your presence in my life or the lack of it now. How had I not anticipated this turn of events? I should’ve known better than to confide in a man who hardly could be called his own. When I first laid my eyes on you, I was truly infatuated and the alarm bells at the back of my head were pushed further by the sound of your silken voice. Looking back with new eyes, ones that aren’t smitten by your forced chivalry anymore, I see your true colours. I repent believing those sugar-coated half-truths and I cringe at the thought of your touch. It is between these tousled sheets that my sensibilities waned and it is where I now lie alone, morosely contemplating the error in judgement.

Intrigue

Tags

courtship, intrigue, old couple, old-school, pure love, sharing silence

One word prompt: Intrigue

They looked a decade short of a century and not surprisingly quite at ease, perched on the sea-facing boulevard with frail fingers lightly entwined, watching passersby, sharing silences and styrofoam cups of coffee. I remember watching intently in order to decipher the sweet nothings they might have whispered to each other but for the next half an hour they sat still, satisfied in their devoted, wordless companionship, unaware of my gaze. Occasionally he would steal glances, sigh contently and trace circles on her wrinkled skin. This kind of courtship has never ceased to pique my interest. What intrigues me is the course of such relations and how sometimes love truly conquers years of conflict and the ever-growing susceptibility to resentment. Familiarity may breed contempt but clearly not for this greying couple that I visually intruded upon. Lost in thought, contemplating their unavowed love and the contrasting nature of relationships today, I see them retreating, their small drooping silhouette fading in the crowd.

Compromise

Tags

compromise, mother, sacrifice, survivor

After penning poems for so long I wanted to try my hand at something exciting and challenging, so I started asking people to give me ONE word around which I could randomly scribble my musings. I’ve never written short pieces and so this is the beginning of something new. :)

One word prompt: Compromise 

She called herself a survivor because victims are hopeless beings who lose the will to fight and live in the confines of a miserable existence. Survivors accept they’ve been wronged but continue to display exemplary courage in the face of overwhelming odds against them rather than resorting to willful obedience to fate. Accepting a child born out of compulsion, whose inception was not a result of love but sheer dominance and oppression, is a feat many choose to ignore.

She called herself literate because even though she couldn’t read the signboards or write her address, she learnt to write her name, a requisite for school forms.

She had dreamt of opening a tailor shop, a skill which didn’t need education for validation, and employing women like her to lend a hand. Rebuked and ostracized by family and society alike and deprived of any financial assistance she resorted to selling her own body to feed two mouths.

She compromised on her self taught ethics and morals but most of all she compromised on her fragile self esteem.

She compromised on her sleep, her health by traversing on foot from house to house in the blazing sun, cleaning dirty laundry in the morning, saving the bus fare for the humble fortnightly treat, all  for a child whose half DNA was as tainted as the khadi-clad rogues she serviced at night.

She compromised for the entirety of her life for someone whose mere presence was unwanted by the world. No one could fathom the reason. It is only when she was on her deathbed, breathing her last breaths did she confess that refusing to mother this child would’ve amounted to sacrilege and that all her sacrifice and compromises were worth the suffering. You can’t choose your fate but you can choose to be a victim or a survivor.

Old-school at heart

Tags

black mirrors, diary, envelope, handmade pages, heart, letters, lost art, love, new-age devices, old-school, post office, self-conscious, speed post, staccato, starch paste, typewriters, virtual communication, yellowing paper

My hands

Clutched the single brown envelope

Even tighter

As I self consciously

Hid the scribbled address

And messily drawn little hearts

Averting

The befuddled, questioning gazes of

White-haired khakhi-clad men

Wondering aloud

What a liberally dressed

Young woman

Was doing

In a high-ceiled, wooden floored

Half a decade old

Post office?

 

What none of them know

Is that

The echoes of musical staccato of typewriters

The oddly soothing smell of starch paste

And the sight of stacked yellowing paper

Is more familiar

Than the rattling hum of repetitive music

The stench of distilled spirit

And the aesthetics of EDM concerts

 

Even in this era

Of virtual communication

My fingers are more accustomed

To put pen to paper

Than type avowals of love

On a white blank screen

And my eyes are usually glued

To handmade leaves of a diary

Than the black mirrors

Of a ceaseless stream of new-age devices

 

Alas, the quintessential term was love letters

And not love emails

And if preserving a lost art

Makes me old-school at heart

Then I’m guilty as charged

 

Distance

Tags

distance, pictures, poem

This growing distance

Is needed

To blur images of

Time spent in quiet togetherness

At the beach, in the wilderness

Your smiling eyes

Boring into mine

Your slow silent stride

Walks along the barren roadside

The unchanging look on your face

When you’re lost in thought

Sometimes tranquil,

Sometimes fraught with distraught

To muddle the sounds

Of those never ending banter

Followed by a familiar laughter

Stilled, only by the lull of the sea

Putting us in a quiet reverie

 

You may think

I’ve nothing better to do

But think incessantly of you

How can I stop my mind from wandering

Back to you

When you’ve grown so distant

And I’m still stuck

Where you left me

Hanging onto

This unrequited feeling

 

 

This detachment

Is needed

To let someone else

Infiltrate my mind-space

It’s the end of the chase

I’ve been conveniently replaced

Now your offhanded indifference

Seems worse than your stone cold silence

Pretence

Tags

pictures, poem, pretence

Painting by Helene Delmaire

 

Let’s pretend like

We never spoke our minds

Never said those words out loud

The ones, we knew all along

But timing couldn’t be more wrong

And so let’s erase all memories of the night

A lesson learnt in hindsight

 

Let’s pretend that

Emotions had not run high

Conversations hadn’t spiralled out of control

Hadn’t become heated

That a reality check was all I needed

When the truth was far from comforting

 

Let’s pretend otherwise

To avoid stirring up any further trouble

So we’ll sweep it under the rug

Wipe our hands and mind clean

And walk away

From this pile of emotional rubble

 

Let’s feign normality

Stifle our affections

Filter our thoughts

And go on,

Living

In a state of In-between

Treating

The midnight confessions

As nothing

But a bad dream

Ghats of Varanasi

Tags

aarti, bells, boat ride, cremation, deities, devotees, Dips, dreadlocks, earthen pots, Ganga, Ghats, hyms, incense, oblation, priests, sadhus, shrines, temples, tourists, Varanasi, vermilion

The Ghats at Varanasi
Are a sight to behold
The shores lined
With shrines and temples
Decades old
Some dilapidated
Some newly restored,
With burning piles of firewood
Signifying
The funerary ceremony of Hindus
At this auspicious venue,
With pilgrims and tourists alike
Seated in painted wooden boats
Preparing for a ride along the ghats

The riverfront steps
Are occupied by
Awestruck travellers
Engrossed in capturing the serene beauty
And often by
Saffron-clad Sadhus
With ashen faces and long matted locks
Blowing out clouds of smoke,
The menfolk
Half-immersed in The Holy Ganges
Wash off sins with pious gaiety
While the women devotees
Carry oblation of vermilion and flowers
To pay homage to various deities
As dawn approaches
The Ghats come to life
In brightly lit alleys
Sonorous sound of bells
And scent of sandalwood incense
Fills the air
Hundreds of illuminated earthen pots
Embellished with rose petals
Ride the currents
Lighting the path to atonement

Young priests uniformly clothed
In Silk dhotis
Perform the quotidian evening rituals
As onlookers sing along to
The devotional songs and vedic hymns
Clapping,
Enthralled by this oneness

Stifling Luxury

Tags

art, palatial house, perquisites, poem, regal confinement, shackles, silk noose, silver platter, surreptitiously

Artwork by Rohan Daniel Eason

Photo from Goldfinger, 1964

I want to break free
From the shackles
Of this stifling luxury
Where a dozen men
Render themselves
At my beck and call
Perpetually eager to please
Hovering around
Witnessing familial arguments
Even, private tender moments
Surreptitiously observing my
Every movement
Making me a
Prisoner of this
Regal confinement

These perquisites
Of Black ambassadors
With tinted windows
& light-armed troops
That accompany like a shadow
Bring me only alienation
And a false sense of obligation
As these perks are not mine
To claim
But simply bestowed upon me
By virtue of a shared surname

What use do I have
Of a palatial house
& servings on a silver platter
When I have restricted privacy
And a silk noose around my collar?

Zeigarnik Effect

Tags

art, closure, cognitive, resurfacing memories, trance like state, zeigarnik effect

http://brainstormpsychology.blogspot.in/2013/08/the-zeigarnik-effect-need-for-closure.html

Artwork by Daniel Segrove

Artwork by Kate Powell

I enter

A quasi trance-like state

At the sound of

Rhythmic staccato of

Gravel crunching beneath

And the sight of

Trees whizzing past

As I pedal hypnotically

Burning rubber on

This seemingly endless

Boulevard to infinity

My introspective pilgrimage

Takes a harrowing turn

Leading me into

A passage buried deep

In the crannies of my brain

My mind slowly registering

With sheer dismay

That Zeigarnik Effect is at play

Like the spokes in the wheel

Thoughts of you, turn over and over

In my head

I forlornly ruminate over

Stolen kisses and sweet nothings

Dwell on the image

Of your face

A constant reminder

Of discomfort

Like a stone stuck in a shoe

I am unable

To bid adieu

To the resurfacing memories of you

So I’ve understood

The only way

To put an end to this

Psychological effect

To stride out of this

Zone of displeasure

Is a

Self attained

Cognitive closure

Painting by Januz Miralles

Romancing the Rains

Tags

books, breeze, coffee, downpour, lightning, monsoon, mountain, rain, romance, thunder, trees

Cool, crisp
Mountain breeze
Blows through my window
A slight nip
In the air
My heart swells
With merriment
As the first drop of rainfall
Turns to
A drizzle, then
A full-fledged heavy downpour

I watch
With childlike fascination
The spikes of lightning
Lighting up the sky
Soothed, by the sound of rain
Gently splashing
On my window pane
The foliage
Glistening
Swaying joyously
As if welcoming
Celebrating
The onset of monsoon

My romance with rain begins
As I settle with
A piping hot cup of caffeine
To warm my insides, and
A piece of literature
To warm my soul

Revelation

Tags

atrocities, barbarity, fury, hormonal imbalance, molest, poem, secret, sexual abuse

This agonizing revelation
Makes me tongue tied
Misty-eyed
Submerging me
In a sea of disconcerting thoughts
While waves of fury
Crash against
The walls of my heart

I feel sick
Sick to the core of my being
Thinking of
The animalistic atrocities
He inflicted
Thinking about her
Being held
Against her will
Molested
Exploited
In more than one way
On more than one day

It all makes sense now,
Her hormonal imbalance
Sexual aversion,
Intimate relationships repulsion
All, an aftermath
Of the barbarity

For years
She kept it to herself
Pushing the harrowing memories
To the back of her mind
When finally, she unloaded
The burden of the secret, confined
Within her

It was a startling revelation
For her too
As the realization of being abused, dawned
Only when she understood what it meant

Monologues

Tags

erratic behaviour, irrational, mental disorder, monologues, poem, silent spectator

Monologues,

Sometimes loud,

The sound of her booming voice

Reverberating

Across the room

In my mind

Sometimes inaudible,

Words muttered under her breath

Spoken barely above a whisper.

Monologues,

Commencing without any provocation

Heedlessly heading in any direction

Regardless of time and place

Often accompanied by mirthless laughter

Or a look of contrived grimace.

These monologues

Always catch me off guard

Albeit, my ears are accustomed

It is indeed hard

To be an unwearied, silent spectator

While the same sentences

Are repeated

Like a tape stuck on replay

Veil of Flesh

Tags

body-image, building pills, eating disorder, obsession, perfect physique, poem, self-esteem

Your dogged pursuit

Of the perfect built

A drive, bordering on obsession

Is tearing me apart

Rendering me incapable

Of making you comprehend

The simple truth

That, I see beyond

Your veil of flesh

That, your worth

Isn’t dependent

On a robust frame

And without any reservation, I opine

Your chivalrous and benevolent ways

Would put hordes of youthful men to shame

My dearest, my muse

Sharer of my blues

I see through your disguise,

The storms brewing in your eyes

The myriad of emotions

You keep locked up

Channeling your angst

In shaping up

The monkey on your back

Has you dancing to its tunes

It’s time to cease the

Intake of building pills

And focus your energy on

Discovering unused potential

And untapped skills

L’appel du Vide

Tags

call of the void, curiosity of unknown, fleeting, imp of the perverse, l'appel du vide, poem, psychological phenomenon, urge to jump, window sill

 

Perched on a window sill

12 feet above the ground

I gaze with awe at the vast dark sky

Lost in the sound

Of the gentle, slow hum of cars passing by

Then,

My eyes wander to the asphalt concrete below

And I experience an unusual yet familiar urge

To take a leap

To answer

The call of the void

 

Often, I’ve encountered

This bizarre psychological phenomenon

A subconscious rebellion

Against rational behaviour

The Imp of the Perverse

Driven by curiosity of the unknown

Rather than suicidal ideation

 

This urge

However irresistible

Is always fleeting

And never overwhelming. .

Blissful Night

Tags

beautiful eyes, blissful, breathe me, embrace, fingers entwined, intimacy, night, pictures, poem, quotes

As we lay together

Under the sheets

Our fingers entwined

Your stubble grazed my nape

Face buried in my hair

You breathed me in

Your breath slow and heavy

As you bit me playfully

 

Your hands

Warm upon my skin

Wandered, travelled down

Rested in the curve of my hips

I melted in your embrace

Traced

And ever so lightly

Kissed the outlines of your lips

 

Hours went by

As we revelled in this intimacy

Your touch was pure ecstasy

And when the early morning rays

Caressed the room

One look

At your sweet giddy grin

Your alluring glinting grey eyes

And I knew I’m in love

 

Reunion Anxiety

Tags

afraid, anxiety, bond, excitement, jagged, meeting after years, physical proximity, poem, quotes, reunion, test of time

 

 

As the day nears

My excitement turns to anxiety

After years

Of being dependent on technology

The notion

Of being in your physical proximity

Terrifies

Intrigues me

 

We’ve evolved

In ways we never thought possible

But has our bond stood the test of time

Or have we grown apart in ways

We aren’t consciously aware of

 

I’m afraid

Of awkward silences

Of things going wrong

Not living up to your expectations

Or peering into your soul

And not knowing who you are anymore

 

Will we feel like jagged pieces of a puzzle?

Or fit unnervingly well?

Only time will tell. .

 

Mental Regression

Tags

absence, anguish, mental regression, pictures, poem, quotes, reservoir of memories, set on fire, shredding letters, vengeance

heartworm

n. a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smoldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire.

 

I’ve been trying

To be oblivious to your resounding absence

To not overlook your arrogance

To loathe you with a vengeance

For inflicting such mental anguish

 

I shred your letters

Along with the ones I penned

But never sent

Set them on fire

Blinked back tears

And watched them turn to ashes

 

I buried your ring

And threw everything I owned

Touched by you

Far into the sea

That reminded me

Of your existence

 

Momentarily

I forget all about you

Then,

Our reservoir of memories

Starts to spill

My mind mentally regresses

To when time stood still

All those suppressed feelings

Creep in again

And I land back to square one

 

It’s a constant battle between remembering and forgetting. .

 

re

Gut Instinct

Tags

besotted, charmer, chemistry, compatibility, declarations of love, exhilarated, gut instinct, idea of love, intuition, perfect on paper, pictures, poem, quotes, sensibility, take the plunge, time

 

Am I falling in love

Or am I infatuated

With the idea

Of being in love

With you

Because, I know

How it feels to be

Wholeheartedly besotted

Inexplicably exhilarated                                                  

Losing track of time

And all sense and sensibility

In a beloved’s cherished presence

But with you, it doesn’t feel the same

Is it all in my head?

 

You’re perfect on paper

A charmer by default

But every time I convince myself

To take the plunge

My gut instincts

Make me take a step back

Remind me

Of your persistent,

Quotidian declarations of love,

Our stagnant conversations,

Absence of chemistry

And lack of compatibility

 

Am I finding faults or merely listening to my intuition?

 

Deciphering A Dream

Tags

amiss, baggage, blurred reality, calm facade, damage, dream, erratic meltdowns, message, outer shell, pictures, poem, quotes, read between words, unuttered woes

 

 

rollover reaction

n. when your dream about someone you know skews how you feel about them all the next day, an emotion you are unable—and unwilling—to shake.

 

Often I find answers

In the realm of my dreams

These subconscious thoughts

Uncloud my blurred reality

 

You only fathom a part of me

The one I choose to show

But we’ve been conversing long enough

For our relation to grow

For you to know

Who I truly am

And yet

You’re unable to comprehend

My unuttered woes

The damages I subtly disclose

The baggage weighing me down

The reasons behind my erratic meltdowns

 

I’ve been willing my heart to believe

That someday

You’ll read between my words

See right through

My calm facade, my outer shell

But this dream shattered my illusion

Conveyed a message too strong to dismiss

That you’re not the one

That something is amiss

For once, I’ll let my mind overpower my heart

 

 

The Aftermath

Tags

addiction, aftermath, berate, denial, growing distant, inner voice, losing self, pictures, poem, poison, Pyrrhic victory, quotes, tragedy, trap, ultimatums

 

I berate, isolate myself

As I deal with the aftermath

Of the tragedy

That my life has become

 

They all sang the same tune

Advised me innumerable times

Pleaded me

Gave me ultimatums eventually

To escape this addictive trap

To quit inhaling poison

That brings nothing but self-destruction

They said I’m losing my true self

And sooner or later, I’d lose them too

 

Every time I strained myself

To deny the temptation

To listen to my inner voice

But my urge to feed this addiction

Always won

This hard-fought battle

Leaving me

With a Pyrrhic victory

 

I’ve burst the denial bubble

The growing distance

The resounding silences

Too much to bear

It’s time to redeem my life

And I pray for the end

Of this mentally exasperating nightmare

 

Forever Lost

Tags

contemplating, far away look, forever, incarcerated, inner conflicts, isolation, lost, pictures, poem, quotes, solitary

Nodus Tollens

n. the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong in the same genre.

 

Nowadays, I find myself

Mechanically sifting through life

Remembering moments frozen in time

Contemplating the path not taken

Staring into empty spaces

Feeling solitary

In a crowd of familiar faces

 

At night,

Pangs of isolation overwhelm me

Inner conflict brews within

I feel incarcerated in my own skin

I feel

forever lost. .

 

 

Chink In The Armour

Tags

armour, baring soul, chink, guards up, indifference, pictures, poem, quotes, shield, too good to be true, vulnerable, walls

 

I had my guards up

Built impenetrable walls around me

Armed myself with a shield of indifference

To escape the hurt

To protect my vulnerable heart

From breaking again

 

I’m terrified

Of entering uncharted emotional territory

Of baring my soul, time and time again

And then you came along

Became the reason

For the smile upon my lips

The gleam in my eyes

You whispered sweet nothings

And ever so gently

Swept me off my feet

Until, it felt too good to be true

With a sinking heart, I asked you to retreat

 

Our goodbye

Made a chink in my Armour

 

Reverie

Tags

high, pictures, poem, reverie, trip

My oddly coordinated limbs

Consistently move

To the beats and bass

Woofers thump

In slow motion

My wild imagination

Transports me

To heavenly destinations

A fusion

Of bizarre yet euphoric images

Crawl in my head

My mind

Creates incredible scenarios

Dwells on a thought

Analysing every outcome

The slow hum

Of banal conversations

Persist

Then laughter fills the dimly lit room

Yet, In the midst of assorted sounds

Moments of solitude exists

I find answers to my unanswered questions

I see people in new light

The numbness exhilarates

Dissipates

Every iota of remorse or guilt

Every trip is different

But this type of high

Always overpowers the lows of life

Happy Realization

Tags

altercations, deception, denial, emancipation, happy realization, heart on sleeve, inane, infallible, introspection, pictures, poem, quotes, untangled

 

 I’ve had my fill of

 The daily doze of drama

The Inane altercations

The rigid unrealistic conversations

Evoking tumultuous emotions

I now seek emancipation

And after days of

Vigorous infallible introspection

I’ve come out of denial

No longer do I live

In a world of make believe

No longer do I walk

With my heart on my sleeve

I’ve untangled myself

From this web of deception

I’ve reached a simple conclusion-

You aren’t meant for me after all

I’ll someday find the right guy

The world isn’t so small

Eve-teased

Tags

bosom, crass comments, eve teasing, filthy, fixate, leer, mindset, naked, obscene gestures, pathetic act, pictures, poem, quotes, whistle

 

I’m fully clothed

Covered from tip to toe

Yet I feel

Stark naked

Filthy to the bone

A piece of meat

As I cross the street

Many pairs of lust filled leering eyes

Travel up and down my body

Fixate on my bosom

They explicitly

Shamelessly

Whistle

Salivate

Pass lurid, crass comments

Make obscene gestures

Derive sadistic pleasure

From this pathetic act

Conveniently termed

Eve-teasing

 

If anything needs to be changed, it’s our MINDSET not our CLOTHES !

Cloud Nine

Tags

abilities, achievement, bounce in step, cloud nine, end of school, euphoric state, exam result, hard work, incredible, pictures, poem, proud parents, quotes, silly grin, surreal

 

There’s a bounce in my step

A silly grin plastered on my face

I’m jumping in delight

All over the place

I’m on cloud nine

In a euphoric state

Let me bask in happiness

Before this feeling abates

 

The enormity of the achievement

Hasn’t sunk in yet

And for others it may not be a big deal

But to me, it feels surreal

Incredible

Not even in my wildest dreams

Did I think this feat was accomplishable

 

The proud twinkle in my parent’s eyes

Is the biggest reward

All the hard work paid off

I performed to the best of my abilities

Proved everyone wrong

Who doubted my capabilities

 

The end of school life

Couldn’t have been more perfect

 

The result came out yesterday. I scored 92.2 percent ! My family and friends are ecstatic and I’m on CLOUD NINE !  I passed with flying colours ! :D

Daydreams

Tags

bedazzling smile, body-image, concave midriff, daydreams, epitome, ethereality, exquisite, fantasies, flaws, hourglass figure, idiosyncrasies, long legs, pictures, poem, porcelain complexion, quotes, sensuality, supple, whims

 

I wonder

What it feels like

To have an unblemished,

Porcelain complexion

A bedazzling smile

Legs that go on for a mile

Supple hands, soft to the touch

To be the epitome of sensuality

And ethereality

 

I wonder

What it feels like

To be comfortable in your own skin

To not inwardly cringe

At the sight of your unshapely body

To not see your flaws

Through a magnifying glass

To have that envious figure

A perfect hourglass

To feel the fabric slide effortlessly

Over a concave midriff

Clinging in all the right places

And look endlessly

Exquisite

 

I drift off to daydream

Losing myself in the world

Of whims and fantasies

To temporarily forget about

My idiosyncrasies

Pulling You Down

Tags

aggravation, agony aunt, best friend, comedian, confidante, conflict resolver, desolation, feeling, incessant grieving, lament, mood lifter, morose whining, pictures, poem, problems of own, pulling you down, pushover, quotes, reins, self-esteem booster, selfish, slipping away, squandered opportunities, tears, tumultuous

 

My incessant grieving

My morose whining

Has started to rub off on you

You tried

To pull me out

Form the pit of desolation

I’ve sunk into

Instead

I pulled you down with myself

Not comprehending

That you’ve tears of your own, unshed

Feelings of your own, unsaid

Horrors of the past, and

Struggles of the present

To cope with

Mistakes, and

Squandered opportunities

To lament over

Aggravation inside

For being termed a pushover

And I, of all people, know

How much you’d like to take over

The reins

And slow down

The pace of your tumultuous life

 

You’re my mood lifter

My self-esteem booster

My crisis solver

My conflict resolver

My personal comedian

My confidante

My agony aunt

 

But have I been there for you too?

Have I done you justice?

Or was I too selfish to notice

That you’ve been slipping away

That something was amiss

Transatlantic Love

Tags

doubting loyalty, fidelity, insecurity, jealousy, long distance relationship, love, pics, poem, quotes, sly accusations, suspicions, transatlantic, trust issues, won't cheat

 

What I’ve learnt from you, my love

Is that

Long distance relationships

Will always get the best of you

Not entirely untrue

Looking at us two

 

Please

Don’t turn the tables on me

You’re the one

Doubting my loyalty

Oozing insecurity

Wounding me with your burning jealousy

Taking suspicions to unrealistic extremes

Our transatlantic love‘s

Falling apart at the seams

 

When did trust become an issue?

Just because I refuse

To tell the whole darn world about us

Doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of you

 

I can do without your sly accusations

I’d rather leave than cheat

Don’t treat me like a doormat

You know I’m better than that

 

Bless my broken heart

A heart you’ve beaten black and blue

I will not give up on us

Simply because

. . . I love you 

To Sanah (Written By Ricardo)

A year ago this absolutely wonderful poet called Ricardo J Rodriguez wrote a poem for me.

Till date I haven’t quite got over it.

I never thought anybody would read my poems let alone be inspired by them.

There are not enough words to express my gratitude. God bless you Ricardo and may your dreams come true. :)

Friends for (N)ever

Tags

deceived, drone, emotional fool, empathy, failed romance, final straw, forgiven, friends for never, gullible, guy chosen over friend, hollow apologies, ingratitude, lies, manipulate, pictures, poem, quotes, rants, self-centered, shallow, taken for granted, thankless, trample upon trust, under appreciate, wretch

You’ve sucked

Every drop of empathy left in me

With your ingratitude

You deceived me with your lies

Took me for a ride

Not once, twice or thrice

But countless times

And I like a gullible fool

Let my anger subside

Forgave you each time

Believed your hollow apologies

Didn’t I deserve to know the truth?

How could you trample upon my trust

With such ease?

 

The final straw came

When you chose a guy

You hardly knew for months

Over me, a friend of 4 years

For the second time in a row

Never knew you were so self-centered

So shallow

 

You always underappreciated me

Took me for granted

Since in your heart you knew

I’d be there for you

Whenever you wanted

I sacrificed my sleep

To listen to your endless rants

About your failed romance

I fought with my parents

To come and see you

Alone, I travelled so far

Should’ve realized

You aren’t worth the effort

A thankless wretch

Is who you truly are

 

You were my utmost priority

I loved you like a sister

Treated you like family

But I’ve had enough of you

I won’t let you manipulate me

Won’t take you back

Even if you implore

No, nothing’s like before

My heart’s so sore

No, I don’t need you anymore

Still the Same

Tags

confines of bubble, dependence, drunk on me, exasperated, fight battles alone, lose way, mismatched, nurse bruises, overcome depression, pictures, poem, poison of choice, push away, quotes, share troubles, spiral out of control, still the same, turn life around, won't leave in the lurch

 

I left, thinking

In my absence you will

Overcome the depression spells

Turn your life around

Pick yourself up off the ground

I thought wrong

You haven’t changed a bit

You’ve been drunk on me

All along

 

I left, exasperated

You refused

To come out of your shell

To step beyond

The confines of your bubble

To share your troubles

To reach out for help

When things spiralled out of control

When you began to stumble

You wanted to fight your battles alone

So, I powerlessly watched you crumble

 

I still am

A poison of your choice

A filthy habit you can’t leave

Someone you blindly believe

It’s time you stop being so naive

 

Remember,

You pushed me away

When you lost your way

You thought

Your problems

Would weigh me down

That I’d leave you in the lurch

You thought wrong

I wanted to nurse your bruises

All along

But now we don’t belong

 

You’re still the same

Too dependent

Yet emotionally detached

It’s nobody’s fault

We’re just mismatched

One Sided Love

Tags

break free, diverse array, emotional pain, free spirit, growing weaker, hapless victim, heart, losing hope, mirage, one sided love, pictures, poem, quotes, rise above rejection, soul sister, stab, susceptible, unrequited love

 

It’s like a stab to my heart

It kills me

To see my soul sister

Grow weaker

Lose hope, her happy spirit

With every passing minute

As she holds onto someone

Who doesn’t want to be held onto

As she runs after a mirage

Prays for the impossible

Makes herself susceptible

To diverse array of emotional pain

Struggles to prove her love to win him back

As he pushes her aside over and over again

 

She knows she should break free

Rise above rejection and move on

But no matter what I say

Or how hard she tries

She can’t convince her heart otherwise

 

My soul sister

Earlier, a free spirit

Now, a hapless victim of one sided love

Time Zones away

Tags

balancing act, blues, brighten, communication, heavy lids, husky voice, long distance, marine, pictures, poem, quotes, sattelite number, soaring heart, sweet nothings, time difference, time zones, trust, ungodly hours, whisper

When your satellite number

Flashes on my phone

Even at ungodly hours

It floods me with tremendous joy

A few minutes of whispering sweet nothings

Just the sound of your voice

Is all I need

To brighten my weekends

To blow my blues away

A perfect start to a Sunday

 

Today

As I answered the phone

With heavy lids and a soaring heart

Your husky, sleepy voice greeted tiredly

It is then that realisation

Dawned on me

Never before have I felt so guilty

And so I remorsefully concede

I’m consumed by greed

For your affection

Dear, you’re all I need

 

Your balancing act

Juggling work and life

Is starting to wear you out

But all I ask for is a little of your time

 

Am I asking for too much, love?

 

Thoughts of You

Tags

bereft, hurt, incessant, invade, letting go, move on, obsession, pictures, poem, quotes, reflecting, self-sacrifice, thoughts, unsolicited advice, vice

Every now and then

Thoughts invade my mind

Of you

Of us

Of the past left behind

 

So I sit back and reflect on

Your gratuitous,

Incessant self sacrifice

Your well-meaning yet meddlesome,

Unsolicited advice

Your excessive obsession with me

Was your worst vice

Disguised under the misnomer of love

How I had to leave

When you gave me no room to breathe

When push came to shove

 

It saddens me to remember

The way I left

The things I said which left you bereft

Of sleep, love and happiness

And so I apologize

For the countless

Moments, you felt you weren’t good enough

Not being there, when times were rough

But don’t wait for me

It’s time you let me go

It’s time you stopped living each day in sorrow

Cancer Stick

Tags

acrid, ashtray, broken, cancer stick, damaged goods, discolouration, lightheaded, musky, nicotine, odor, pictures, poem, prisoner of past, smoking the pain away, tattered, tranquil, tremor

Fingers

With fingernails painted

A subtle shade of blue

Concealing the discolouration

A nasty yellow hue

Reek of heavy

Musky

Acrid odor

Move back and forth

In a rhythmic order

It’s her fourth

Cancer stick

When the nicotine hits

Lightheaded, she starts feeling sick

Her insides are burning

Like the cigarettes she puffs

But her tranquil and reserved exterior

Gives nothing away

Her fingers slightly tremor

As she flicks the ash into the ashtray

She smokes her pain away

 

Labelled as damaged goods

By a person who once mattered

Here she lies broken and tattered

Like the formless gray residue

In the ashtray

A prisoner of the past

She smokes her pain away

Blow to Ego

Tags

arrogance, blow, brazen, ego, flattered, goodbye, ignored, impudence, infidelities, judgmental, pathetically pleading, patronize, pictures, poem, put on pedestal, quotes, reconcile, resounding silence, sham, temperamental, unfamiliar

It’s a massive blow

To your larger than life ego

You’re unfamiliar

With being ignored

Accustomed to

Being adored

 

You boast about your infidelities

Often flattered by dim-witted beauties

You’re always put on a pedestal

Forgiven for

Being judgmental

Terribly temperamental

 

After patronizing me every minute of the day

You have the nerve to contact me

And brazenly say

Let’s forget the past and reconcile

But I see right through your sham

Stop pathetically pleading, it’s futile

 

I want nothing to do with you

I’m stunned at your impudence

You’ll be met with resounding silence

No matter how much you try

You should’ve treated me better

But don’t lose sleep

I’ve already bid you goodbye

Behind Closed Doors

Tags

alter ego, behind closed doors, chaos, depression, hysterical, mentally unstable, monologue, mood swings, offensive, pictures, poem, quote, shouting obscenities, suspicion

The mother is hysterical

Out of control

Her malevolent alter ego

Has taken momentary possession of her soul

She’s shouting obscenities

Her shrill voice echoes

In the hollowed unfurnished room

The scene is all too familiar

But every time it evokes fear

Of the impending doom

*Clash*

She smashes a glass

Shards scatter across the floor

She storms off and slams the door

 

The father speaks to her patiently

Firmly

Tries to reason with her

To make her see sense

Convinces her to not take offence

At every action

To not be suspicious

Of everyone’s intention

When she accuses him of unspeakable things

He loses his composure

Raises his voice,

His hand,

BUT stops midway

He can’t do it

He walks away

 

The boy walks down

A flight of stairs

Out of the house

Away from the chaos

His mother’s loud monologue

Faints, as he moves farther

His eyes brim with tears

His limbs collapse

Perhaps,

He’s better off on his own

He cannot live any further

With his mentally unstable mother

Lingering Suspense

Tags

clammy, dream, drudgery, exam result, lingering, palpitations, parched, pictures, poem, queasy, quote, suspense, sweat trickles, tremble

My fingers linger over the keyboard

Lips move in silent prayer

Stomach growls and groans

Growing queasier by the second

Never before has this happened

Rib cage vibrates with every palpitation

Clammy fingers tremble

Warm beads of sweat

Trickle through my temple

Down my cheek

I hear questions being asked in the distance

My throat feels parched, I cannot speak

 

Mind wills me to type

Those seven cursed digits

That will reveal the result of a yearlong drudgery

And just as I look at the screen

My alarm goes off

Waking me up at the climax of my dream

 

And suspense lingers in the air. .

Dearth of Compassion

Tags

compassion, dearth, domestic violence, harassment, honour killings, hostility, humanity, insanity, massacre, morality, objectification, oppressed, pictures, poem, possession of guns, quotes, rape, take a stand, treason, women

What has the world come to?

How can honour killing be justified

In the name of religion?

There’s no rhyme or reason

When it comes to crime and treason

I’m ashamed to be a part

Of this barbarous society

Where women are objectified

Their basic rights are denied

They’re beaten, harassed

Left to bear the brunt of men’s hostility

Oppressed, constantly silenced

Stripped of their dignity

 

There’s dearth of compassion

No sense of morality

The newspapers full with tales of

Massacre, rape and merciless savagery

 

If we don’t take a stand against this insanity

It’ll very soon be the end of humanity

Breaking Point

Tags

accepting mistakes, blame game, breaking point, conflicts, ego, integrity, picture, poem, premeditated, quote, resentment, resolve, retaliating, ruminating, scars, sorry

I can’t battle with your ego anymore

Your premeditated acts to test me

Have left many scars

Enough to last me a lifetime

No longer would I apologize

For faults that aren’t mine

 

I’m tired of taking the initiative

To resolve conflicts

Often compromising my integrity

Is accepting mistakes and admitting your faults

Beneath your dignity

 

You hold onto resentment

Ruminate about hurtful events

Point fingers of blame at me

Retaliate

Inanely reiterate

 

You’ve driven me to a breaking point

Don’t let me slip through your fingers

Don’t let me walk away

A simple sorry is all I need

All I need to stay 

I Surrender

Tags

anticipating, anxiety, apathy, deceit, disappointing, distraction, expectations, failure, faith, lack of stress, lost momentum, lost sensibility, picture, poem, procrastination, progress, quote, result, rock bottom, searing fear, self-loathing, surrender, trepidation, troublesome sleep, unintentional

I can’t do it dear father

I don’t have what it takes to compete

I’ve filled your ears with lies

The promise in my eyes

An unintentional deceit

 

I’ve lost faith in myself

Have found self-loathing

My nonexistent progress

It’s the chief cause of my lack of stress

 

Vulnerable to procrastination

Apathy and distraction

I’ve hit rock bottom

Have lost all momentum

All sensibility

There’s no trepidation of failure

No troublesome sleep

No anxiety, no searing fear

 

I can’t meet your expectations

I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me

The results will be disappointing

Not even close to what you’re anticipating

Under A Dark Cloud

Tags

against, alive, confront, crisis hotline, dark cloud, depression, dread, dreams, dust, fears, odds, pics, poem, quotes, survive, thrive, under, upside down

 

 

How do you feel?

When all odds are against you

When nothing is in your favour

When your dreams turn to dust

When there’s none worthy of your trust

 

What do you do?

When your life turns upside down

When the sun refuses to shine

When you dread every waking moment

When you’re reluctant to call a crisis hotline

 

Will you flee or confront your fears?

Do you want to thrive or merely survive?

If you’re not living the life you want

Is there any point in being alive?

An Uninvited Guest

Tags

auditory hallucinations, broken record, crystal clear, demonic-possession, echoes, etched, experiments, fatal, give up, guest, pics, poem, quotes, suicide, uninvited, voice in head

A crystal clear voice

Echoes in her head

Playing the same message

Like a broken record

She hears it day and night

It tells her to give up

That life isn’t worth the fight

 

An uninvited guest

It keeps her awake

Dictates her to make

Poor choices against her better judgment

To repeatedly try fatal experiments

 

It’s permanently etched in her memory

The clarity makes it practically hallucinatory

She feels like a victim

Of demonic-possession

The voice seems so real and concrete

But confiding in him only aggravated his grief

So, she chooses to remain discreet

 

A crystal clear voice

Echoes in her head

It says life is no joyride

You know you want to die

And so it continues to plan her suicide

6 Yard Wonder

Tags

6 yard wonder, accentuate, blouse, class, clothing, elegance, embroidery, essence, ethnic, farewell party, fashion, femininity, grace, midriff, pleats, poem, pride, rich colours, saree, sensuous, silk chiffon, style, traditional, waist, wardrobe

In India at the end of our last year of school we have a little party called “Farewell Party” organized by the juniors for the seniors.
Sadly I’ve reached that stage of my life. It’s too soon to say goodbye to school. I don’t think I’m ready to face the big bad world yet.
Nevertheless, my farewell party was a smashing hit. The senior girls proudly strutted sari-clad while the junior girls had to wear salwar kameez.
I even got a badge that said “Ms Twinkle Toes”. Ha! My eccentric dancing skills finally paid off. Trust me, it isn’t easy to even move in a saree though I’m completely smitten by it.

For those of you who don’t know what a saree is, here’s a little something I wrote about it:

A saree is
A 6 yard wonder
The most sensuous
Traditional attire
The finest garment
Every woman’s desire

It partially exposes the midriff
Highlights the waist
On one side
The perfect even pleats and the matching blouse
Accentuate, complete the look
It’s a wardrobe’s glory and pride

Sarees come in rich colours and designs
Sported in different styles and drapes
Embroidered or printed
On tussar silk, chiffon and crepe

It renders class and grace to the wearer
Appeals to the contemporary and ethnic genre
Adds charm to appearance
Reflects the true essence of an Indian woman
It’s the epitome of femininity and elegance

With a friend

Temporary Break

Tags

apprehensive, art, blank pages, books, break, chewed pen cap, consistency, empty spaces, exams, hate studying, heart, imagination, incompetence, leisurely, loathe, messily, nibble, scribble, temporary, unmotivated, wild, writing

There’s no time

To messily scribble

To gently nibble

On an already chewed pen

To leisurely sit in my den

Fill these blank pages

And the empty spaces

Of my heart

To pour art

Into words

But alas, I cannot write anymore

Cannot let my imagination run wild

These books I’ve come to loathe

Are untidily piled

Mocking me, reminding me

Of my incompetence and lack of consistency

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

First of all, A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my dear readers and fellow bloggers!

May this year bring you bountiful peace, happiness and prosperity.

Only 59 days are left for the most important examinations of my life to commence. The result will make or break my future. I’m completely unmotivated and apprehensive and I will have to fight the urge to write till the end of March. My parents have high expectations and I REALLY don’t want to let them down. Things are not looking good, though.

I apologize from the bottom of my heart if I haven’t replied to your comments yet.

It’s the first thing I will do after my examinations get over.

Thank you for visiting my blog. :)

Inevitable Farewell

Tags

again, best friend, bittersweet, buried, change, childhood, deep, empty, farewell, four years, glorious, grown close, heart, imperfectly, implore, inevitable, memories, pictures, poem, quotes, real, see, talking, true, wee hours, zeal

Please don’t go

Don’t leave me all alone

We’ve grown

So close

You were always there

Whenever a problem arose

 

Staying up into the wee hours

Of the glorious morning

Sharing our bittersweet childhood memories

Buried so deep

Talking till there’s nothing left to say

Talking till we fell asleep

 

Please don’t go

Don’t leave me empty hearted

There is none like you

So imperfectly true

 

I feel like I’ve known you forever

Though it’s only been four years

I haven’t seen you in ages

Now I’m almost afraid

To see you again

And it drives me insane

 

Please don’t go

Don’t leave me hanging

For another half year

You’re the best friend I ever had

I’m really sorry

I know it makes you sad

To hear these words ever so often

I can’t fight this feeling anymore

But with a heavy heart

I say I won’t implore

You to stay

There’s no choice

It’s your career

You have to go away

 

I know you’ll wait

You know I’ll miss you

Don’t lose your zeal

Don’t let the world change you

Dear best friend, you’re so

Imperfectly true

Elixir of Death

Tags

alcohol, booze, cruise, daydreams, death, drunk, elixir, falling apart, freewheeling, fumbling, groggy eyes, hue and cry, intoxicated, lose, never-never land, pictures, poem, quixotic, quotes, rethink, sedated, sinking feeling, thrive, wobbly legs

Intoxicated
Heavily sedated
On the elixir of death
Groggy eyes, wobbly legs
A sinking feeling
Fumbling, freewheeling
My soul has grown wings
Soaring hundreds of feet high
Away from the hue and cry
Don’t nudge me
Don’t you dare judge me
Don’t deny
Me of my pleasure
Of being in this never -never land
Sobriety will transport me to reality
Will rob me of my quixotic daydreams
Cheers!
Here’s to me and my pathetic existence
Falling apart at the seams

A message for everyone:

Alcohol is not the solution to your problems.

Rethink
Your third drink
Life can be snatched away in a wink
Allow life to thrive
Don’t drink and drive
You booze, you cruise, you lose

My Riposte

Tags

akin, amends, answer, bordering, conversations, disregard, ego, emotionally, forgive, friends, inappropriate, intellectually, lonelier, lunacy, moodier, morality, narcissistic, overgrow, painted tee, pictures, poem, quotes, riposte, sublime, text, unapologetic, urge

31st January 2011

Remember Arya and Slutgun? 

Last night I received a text (in bold letters) and here’s the answer in an undaunted even slightly aggressive and poetic manner.

You pissed at me because I don’t text at night?

No because I used to and you never bothered to reply

Or simply

Once in a while, sent me an emoticon

What is that even supposed to imply?

 

You pissed at me because I don’t call?

You haven’t since I left

Two years ago

It’s time you outgrow

Your ego

 

Because I didn’t give the appropriate reaction

When we spoke in BP?

Is that when you made me wait

Came half and hour late

Unapologetic,

Fixated on my weight?

 

Because I’m not begging for my t-shirt,

For every detail of your life?

As far as I can remember

We painted the tee together

I’d gladly parcel it to you

It’s not an issue

 

Because I’m this narcissistic science bitch?

Narcissistic? Yes but never a bitch

Science has nothing to do

With morality

This is how you’ve always been

We were intellectually

But never emotionally akin

 

Because I made friends you don’t like?

I never questioned

Your choice of friends

Then, why this sudden urge

To make amends?

Is it because they too

Couldn’t understand you?

 

Look, are we even friends anymore?

After you’ve read so far

It’d be surprising if I said yes

But I’m a person of my word

I meant it when I said

I wouldn’t change you for the world

 

You can give me the answer, and whatever it is,

I’d take it gladly.

I bet my answer caught you off guard

But it wasn’t written with disregard

 

I’m a terrible friend,

I told you earlier.

And lonelier and moodier

 

Just say what’s in you head

And let it be over with.

I just did though

I’ve been holding this in

For a really long time

Our relationship is based on lunacy

Often bordering on the sublime

Insolent Loser

Tags

acidity, audacity, belittle, bumptious, burn, eye opener, insolent, loner, loser, mistaken, narcissistic, obnoxious, opportunistic, pictures, poem, profanity, quotes, taciturn, unshaken, vanity

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve been

Horribly mistaken

But today

I stand unshaken

Last night

Was an eye opener

I’d rather be a loner

Than be stuck

With a loser like you

I now know my value

You belittled me

Every chance you got

I almost forgot

What you were like

Narcissistic, obnoxious

Opportunistic, bumptious

 

I applaud your audacity

Within minutes of approach

Your words reeked of acidity

Spoken with the intent to burn

Assuming that I’d stay taciturn

 

Let me wither your vanity

With a little profanity

You think you’re better than me?

I wouldn’t be caught dead with you

I’ve had enough, you son of a bitch

Fuck you.

 

 

Deploring the Decision

Tags

affection, afresh, broken, connection, damage, decision, deploring, disintegrate, dismissed, distracted, dwindling, flummoxed, fret, friends, haughtily, pictures, playing hard to get, poem, presence, quotes, rejection, replay, trace, unsaid

His dwindling affection

Our broken connection

The outright rejection

Hit me hard

Left me distracted

Flummoxed

Isn’t this what I wanted all along?

To forget he ever existed

To wipe out

Every trace of his presence

To start afresh

Then, why can I feel myself disintegrate?

If he wants the same

Wasn’t it me who

So haughtily dismissed

His proposal of staying friends

I should’ve known

Two can play at this game

Of playing hard to get

Well, there’s no need to fret

The damage has been done

He wouldn’t come knocking at my door

He wouldn’t look twice my way

I should’ve known

You can only replay

The scene in your head

‘Cause once spoken

The words can’t be unsaid

 

Infectious Allure

Tags

allure, blushing, breathless, chance, charm, cheeks, dilated pupils, drooling, eloquent, flirtatious, flush, hypnotic, infectious, mush, pictures, poem, pretentious, quotes, resonates, smile, speechless, swarm, trance, vivacity

They say

I’ve a way with words

But with you around

I’m rendered speechless

A little breathless

Heart pounds in my chest

A smile resonates, full of zest

Pupils dilate, cheeks flush

Your gaze turns me

Into mush

I Fidget, fight nerves

Try to say something eloquent

End up sounding pretentious

Even embarrassingly flirtatious

Bowled over by

Your vivacity and charm

Around you the ladies swarm

Drooling over, in a hypnotic trance

I’m fully aware

That I stand no chance

Forgotten Friend

Tags

blurry face, comicality, compatibility, conditionality, eccentricities, egocentricity, epitome, forgotten, friend, generosity, poem, priority, rationality, slumber, stifling, uncanny

 

 

Our friendship

Had no limitation, no conditionality

I used to be

Your main priority

A cause to cease all activity

A perfect match in compatibility

We were bound together

By our love for uncanny eccentricities

And hatred for stifling egocentricity

You were the epitome of simplicity

I was humbled by your generosity

Amused by your comicality

Pleased by your positivity

Respected your rationality

 

Now

You’re caught up

In your own big life

New friends

New things to try

I’ve fallen to the back of your mind

I’m just a number

A blurry face in your dream

Unsettling your slumber

 

Fallacy of Social Networks

Tags

absurdities, anti-conformist, bravado, bruised ego, disconsolate, entrap, fallacy, fitting in, flawed, glitz and glamour, mislead, pancake makeup, pictures, poem, quotes, social networks, unknown, unprepossessing

 

Social networks

Entrap, mislead

Leave me

Disconsolate

Wishing for more

Make me feel

Unknown, unloved

Unprepossessing

Lowering

My already low self esteem

Bruising

My already deflated ego

 

But I brush aside this feeling

As I see

Pictures changed

At the speed of lightening bolts

With a slight change in pose

Edited in a manner that won’t disclose

Flawed skin and minor deformities

Beneath the glitz and glamour lies

Real-life absurdities

 

Behind the bravado

The pancake makeup

Hides a girl just like me

Wanting to be

Accepted, admired,

Respected, desired

Torn between the conflict of

Being an anti-conformist and “fitting in”

Whirlwind Thoughts

Tags

animosity, avoidance, chaos, charade, confrontation, conversations, curiosity, disappearing, gamut of emotions, inevitable, insecurity, intrapersonal communication, over yet, patience, pictures, poem, quotes, recorded, run away, thoughts, waiting, Whirlwind, withdrawing, worst-case scenarios

I can’t wait any longer

I’ve run out of patience

Left to choose between

Confrontation or avoidance

With no shades of grey

A month’s too far away

Eaten up with curiosity

Maintaining a charade of animosity

Experiencing a gamut of emotions

Endlessly listening to recorded conversations

 

Mind at the edge of chaos

Eyes glued to the ceiling

Awaiting the inevitable answer

Envisioning the worst-case scenarios

Having intrapersonal communication

Wishing it was nothing

But a figment of my imagination

 

I’m a coward

Scared of exhibiting love

Withdrawing

Disappearing

Before I’m in too deep

But I wouldn’t be able to sleep

If you don’t tell me now

Are we over yet?

 

The Recreant

Tags

asshole, backstabber, betrayed, biggest mistakes, confide, contorted, controversy, defamatory, extirpating, horrid, judas, miserable, nefarious, niggling doubt, peace of mind, pictures, poem, quotes, recreant, retakes, revenge, slander, sleazy, territory, traitor

Warning: Contains cuss words

 

 

So tell me

You filthy bastard

What compelled you to say

Those defamatory words

Was it a way

To get my attention

If so, you’ve succeeded

However you’ve failed miserably

In making him believe

He’s more of a man

Than you’ll ever be

 

Who else would you show our picture to?

And what contorted sleazy story

Will you spin this time?

Standing next to you

Doesn’t mean we’re involved

You intended to create a controversy

But we were resolved

To have this problem solved

And are you a fucking primate

I’m not your territory to claim

Haven’t you evolved?

 

I had a niggling doubt

You weren’t the right guy to confide in

But nevertheless I did

Told you every little thing

From pleasant to horrid

 

The more I knew you

The more I began

To question your loyalty

And you proved me right

Showed me your nefarious personality

 

Don’t underestimate my power

I’m capable of completely extirpating you

Though I won’t stoop down to your level

Won’t go to the lengths you went to

 

I won’t give you the privilege

Of taking over my life

Nor will I seek revenge

You’re at the top of my list

Of life’s biggest mistakes

No, you wouldn’t be forgiven

In real life, there are no retakes

 

 

 

Weight Predicament

Tags

anorexia, appetite, binging, body-image, bulimia, contentment, driven to extremes, foster, hopelessness, perfection, pictures, poem, predicament, purging, quotes, reprimanding, self acceptance, self-esteem, socially acceptable, splendor, starving, unhealthy dieting schemes, vicious cycle, weight loss

 

They’re trapped

Unable to escape

Embroiled in this vicious cycle of

Starving and binging

Guilt and desperation

Reprimanding themselves for the extra morsel

Purging, an insatiable addiction

Plummeting appetite

Escalating hunger for perfection

Constantly battling with weight issues

For far too long, and hopelessness ensues

 

Unrealistic body-image,

Biologically unattainable

And socially acceptable standards of splendor

Portrayed by the media

Creates uncontrolled mass hysteria

Giving rise to eating disorders

Like anorexia and bulimia

 

Lives are being affected

In every nook and cranny of the world

Bodies, tortured and driven to extremes

Resigning to unhealthy dieting schemes

 

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes

So foster self acceptance

And restore your self-esteem

It’s the secret to everlasting contentment

To counteract this weight predicament

 

 

 

Academic Pressure

Tags

abdicating, academic, aspire, bias free, break the mould, capability, career, cold comfort, corrupt, cut throat competition, dreams, education system, exalted, filial, ignominy, indignation, legion, mentally support, overpowered, partiality, passion, pictures, poem, politically incorrect, preach, pressure, propogate equality, quotes, reeling, relentlessly, revolutionary, scrutinized, stigma, tirade

This poem is dedicated to the youth of my nation struggling to cope up with parental pressure. Our education system is more like a “degree” based system where imparting knowledge is secondary to overflowing wallets.

 

 

 

Will I be

Just another statistic

Another life lost

To exalted expectations

Reeling under

The ignominy and stigma

Of failing to secure a position

In the top notch institution

 

Will I be

Scrutinized

For breaking the mould

For actions that are considered bold

For choosing to pursue a career

Distinct from the customary

Aspiring to far greater things

To do something revolutionary

 

I’m not the only one

Dreading the alarm

Tossing and turning in my sleep

Looked down on by those

Who think our goal is beyond our reach

Who relentlessly preach

 

Often subjected to partiality

Teachers launching into a tirade

About how we’re abdicating our filial responsibility

Do not magnify our capability

We will accomplish everything

Within our ability

 

We know we have to work hard

But do not threaten or scare us

But morally support

And mentally prepare us

 

Our young minds are

Struggling to stay resilient

In this cut throat competition

With the academically brilliant

 

Don’t try to live your dreams

Through your children

For we have dreams of our own

We’re not asking to be spoon fed

But don’t dampen our spirits with cold comfort

Don’t push us out of our comfort zone

 

Weary of our corrupted education system

Where our worth is judged by marks

Drawing distinction

Where bribe is commonly referred to as donation

Where a child hailing from a backward region

Is overpowered,

Falling prey to the politically incorrect legion

 

Do not dismiss my thoughts

For I’m young but I’ve seen it all

Little voices like mine

Filled with indignation

Will one day start a movement for liberation

Promote and propagate equality

Build a just, bias free and educated nation

 

 

Love/Hate Conundrum

Tags

befuddled, benevolent, blank stare, clarity, comprehension, conundrum, conviction, defy, deluding, electrifying touch, enamored, figment of imagination, half-baked stories, incandescent, incongruity, instincts, last word, love/hate, nonchalantly, pictures, poem, quotes, sugar coated lies, turning putty, wittingly

 

 

 

I cannot help but smile

At the incongruity of the situation

His denial carries conviction

But instincts warn something is amiss

Befuddled at this

Love/hate conundrum

 

I hate that blank numb stare

The way he nonchalantly looks me in the eyes

Utters sugar coated lies

Wittingly deluding

Into believing

His half-baked stories

 

And then,

His words defy all comprehension

It all seems

A figment of my imagination

Turning putty in his hands

At his electrifying touch

His benevolent smile

Enamored by his incandescent personality

Blinded by his love

I cannot think with clarity

 

Forgetting everything

Forgiving all his sins

He always has the last word

He always wins

 

 

 

 

 

Burning Embers

Tags

ash, burning, cancer stick, charcoal eyes, cigarette, derelict, embers, inhaling, marred, nicotine stained nails, parched lips, pictures, poem, poison, puffing, quote, refuge, rheumy, ruins, scarred hand, sensual drags, smoke, stinging

Marred charcoal eyes

Rheumy

Bloodshot

Momentarily stinging with smoke

 

Parched black lips

Deftly

Heavily puffing

Inhaling poison

 

Pale, scarred hand

With nicotine stained fingernails

Lightly tapping

Taking long sensual drags

 

Burning embers fall

On the soiled floor

Of a derelict ruin

A refuge at nightfall

Strewn with ash,

Burnt match sticks and cigarette butts

Note: This poem is a work of fiction. I don’t smoke neither do I think it’s for cowards. I personally am against it but to each his own. 

Nourished Soul

Tags

appeased, beach, bygone age, captivating, chirping creatures, cleansed soul, dew, foliage, invigorating, iridescent, morning breeze, musty, nature, nourishment, olfactory senses tickled, pictures, poem, quotes, shore, slumberous, summer's dawn, tepid rays, wet soil, yawn

 

 

Invigorating

Captivating

Iridescent chirping creatures

Soaring in the morning air

Drew a sharp breath

Felt, the soul cleanse

The winds whip my hair

 

Closed my eyes

Felt the tepid rays

Warm upon my face

Olfactory senses tickled

By the musty smell of wet soil, damp grass

Dew glimmering on foliage

Slumberous, stifled a yawn

Reminded of a bygone age

Of early summer’s dawn

 

The events of yesterdays are forgotten

Appeased, I head towards the bed

No longer does sleep elude me

Nature has set me free

 

There’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away.

Cathartic Rant

Tags

absent-minded, blessed, caffeine, catharsis, chastise, confide, delusion, friends, insomnia, lonely, loved ones, overlook, patience, penetrate, rant, roller-coaster life, sanity, slumber, sneak a peek, thoughts, trivial, ungodly hours, wits end

 

 

Dear readers,

The one thing I love other than writing is randomly browsing through blog posts and reading the posts of people who take out time to read mine. I can say I’ve grown quite fond of these people I befriended in the virtual world. I don’t recall where, but I found this interesting question put forward by this talented young lad. He asked- Would you like being your own friend? Such simple words triggered panic in my heart, awoke me from my slumber of delusion. I did what I considered the best way of catharsis. I confided in a friend. Since I couldn’t call him up I sent him a mail.

At 4 A.M.

I had no intention of posting it on my blog and sharing my most private thoughts with the whole world (as you’d see from the first few lines of the mail) but I was intrigued, by god knows what, and I decided to go ahead with it.

In its truest sense, it is nothing more than a rant.

“I’m warning you beforehand, I’m not high on caffeine and this isn’t some insomnia induced mania. If you haven’t already made up situations in your head as to why I’d mail you so late, I suggest you read further and make your own judgments.

So here I go…

Since I can’t post such random rants on my blog, I’d rather continue this one sided nocturnal conversation than do something dumb, which mind you I’m highly capable of at ungodly hours. Let’s cut to the chase. The reason I’m so absent-minded and tempestuous these days is because I’m 3 days away from my exams. Well, that’s part of the reason. I hate feeling lonely and I’ve passed that phase, fortunately, where I couldn’t differentiate between being lonely and being alone. I’m well loved and adored, warts and all, but there’s this void inside my heart corroding all the positivity that dares to enter. I overlook my blessings and crib and whine over meager problems one is supposed to deal with in order to be strong and to well, maintain balance in life. I do it so often (complain and grumble and chastise myself) and with such ferocity that people around me are rendered speechless. They’re unable to advise me on such trivial matters simply because the solution is right there in front of my eyes waiting to be brought to life and I absolutely refuse to acknowledge it. They try to penetrate the walls I’ve built, to sneak a peek and make me understand in their best possible way but I always push them away. I feel like if they explore my mind, get to know the real me they’d walk away sooner or later because they’d realize there isn’t much to stay for. I’ve always questioned my sanity as you know so well but what’s plaguing me is that I’ve never tried to change myself. The habits I know will destroy me in the end are still hampering my growth. I’m still the self deprecating inveterate worrier. I’m still ME. And to add insult to injury, I’m content being myself. Is it fair to people who try so hard to get close to me? I wouldn’t hold on for as long as they have if I were in their shoes. I know it sounds all disorienting but that is how I feel right now. How I’ve always felt. For once it wouldn’t do me justice if you blame it on hormonal imbalance. For once I don’t want you to soothe me like you always do. Don’t try to prove me wrong and remind me of those who’d go to any length to be with me. I want you to read every word, contemplate and then burn it from your memory. Because this is just the beginning of the late night mails you’ll receive from now on. I’m granting you your wish. I’m letting you read my thoughts.

Are you at your wits end yet? If yes, then good. Because that’s exactly what I intended to do.

Loads of love.

Sanah”

 

The friend I sent this to has the patience of a saint. He didn’t call me crazy or laugh it off. He so lovingly said he’d love to read more about me and would never walk away from me.

I can proudly say I’m blessed to have such people in my roller-coaster life even though I’ve done nothing to deserve them.

 

 

Delusions of Grandeur

Tags

composure, dashed hopes, delusions, grandeur, grief-stricken, harrowing, invasion, male chauvinist, malice, menacing, Mercy me, pictures, poem, quotes, racing heart, sighing tears, strangling, tragedy of life

                             

I watched the harrowing scene unfold

Out of the corner of my eye

I hadn’t meant to pry

But neither could I look away

Her face, grief-stricken, wincing

Her racing heart, sinking

His menacing eyes

Searched her pale face

His disparaging words, dashing hopes

Tying invisible ropes

Strangling her

She lost her composure

He remained indifferent

Continued to vent

As if her sighing tears

Were inaudible to his ears

His eyes darted towards me

A look of pure malice crossed his face

I shook my head and walked away

For such is the tragedy of life

I could only look from afar

A helping hand would be deemed an invasion

No amount of persuasion

Would make her see

His delusions of grandeur

                       Don’t let anyone EVER treat you less than you deserve.

P.s  I heard this song called “Beautiful” by Mercy Me.

It goes like – “The days will come when you don’t have the strength

When all you hear is you’re not worth anything

Wondering if you ever could be loved

And if they truly saw your heart they’d see too much”

Amazing isn’t it?

Necessary Evil

Tags

acrostic, caffeine, exams, futile things, imbecility, obedience, obstinacy, pictures, poem, quotes, rebellious, reckless, strong willed, unabashed, xerox copies

My 50th post !! *Cheers* :D

ACROSTIC POEM. (A cryptographic form in which the initial letter of each line spells out a word, often the subject of the poem)

 

 

 

 

Examinations are just around the corner now

Xerox copies of notes we never made, piled on our desks

Adamant, rebellious, unabashed we had roamed the streets

Maddening amounts of caffeine drowned our thoughts

Illicit ideas, imbecility, intimacy and ideals consumed our minds

Never worrying about the future, we had lived in the present

A look of disappointment appears on our face, as we all eventually realize

The time we spent on futile things, the time we spent so recklessly

Is never going to come back, a fact we can’t ignore anymore

Obstinance replaced by obedience, It is

Never too late to start afresh

Strong willed and determined to prove ourselves and open new doors

Broken Spell

Tags

agitation, amorous, beating around the bush, broken, clashing egos, confrontation, dignified, dis-entranced, dismaying, exploding, foreboding, introspection, mutual consent, nerve-racking, passion, perplexing, pictures, plaguing insecurity, poem, quotes, spell, superiority, tempestuous, thoughts, vex, woes

 

Dismaying, perplexing thoughts are exploding

Our amorous passion was once so ubiquitous

Never overshadowed by this sense of foreboding

That our bond would turn so tempestuous

 

We’re caught in this never ending cycle of

Clashing egos

Agonizing woes

Claiming superiority

Plaguing insecurity

Nerve-racking agitation

Avoiding confrontation

And moments of quiet introspection

 

The spell we were under

Has already broken

It’s been a fortnight

Since we’ve spoken

 

I’m disentranced and out of love

And truth be told, so are you

Do you see any point in continuing?

Or do you want to end it too?

 

It’s time we stop

Beating around the bush

And playing games that vex us more

All it’ll take is a dignified ending

Through mutual consent

Because darlin’ nothing lasts forevermore

 

 

 

 

Staying Strong

Tags

aura, countless days, crinkling brown eyes, deafening silence, differing perceptions, doubts, explicit, feat, finding solace, fit of pique, jest, long distance realtionships, miles away, mystique, ordeal, petulant, pictures, poem, puerile humour, quibbles, quipping, quotes, secure, solace, Staying strong, unfailing love, unscathed

A friend of mine (Nancy, for those of you who’ve heard me talk about her so many times) is in a long distance relationship since THREE YEARS !

Hats off to people who’ve the patience to pull it off. :)

We haven’t come out completely unscathed
From days of deafening silence
Explicit confessions
Petulant mood
Misconceptions
Quibbles over
Differing perceptions
Lack of faith and
Doubting intentions

But your words still ring in my head
You’d once said
“We’re in this together
You’re not alone”
And we’ve come so far
It’s a feat in its own

The ordeal isn’t over yet
There are countless days to endure
Finding solace in your unfailing love
I’m content and secure

You’re a thousand miles away
And I know I’m easily swayed
But when you’ll be finally here
Time will slow down
As I’ll lovingly gaze into your eyes
Deep rich brown
Crinkling when you smile
Quipping in jest,
Oh your humor is so puerile
Charmed by your aura of mystique
All words forgotten
Spoken in a fit of pique

Seeking Forgiveness

Tags

absolution, conflict, desolate, despair, despondent, disposition, erratic, forgiveness, grievous, hopeful, inadvertently, pictures, poem, quotes, reconcile, reversed roles, seeking, seething, spewing, tribulations, vague, vile, vindicate, vindictive

It is an entirely different poem but also a sequel of Last Chance, depicting the turn of events.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In just a matter of days

The roles have reversed

Our lives, once merged

Have abruptly diverged

 

You’re hurt beyond repair

Despondent

Desolate

Seething despair

 

I’ve been

Inadvertently vindictive

My erratic disposition predictive

Disregarding your efforts to reconcile

Spewing despicable words, vague and vile

Even then you held on,

Brimming with optimism, hopeful and docile

 

It’s too late to confine the conflict

To maneuver it on a productive course

Your curt replies and cold shoulder

Sear my heart, make me grievous with remorse

 

But everyone deserves a second chance

A chance to redeem

A chance to vindicate

Tribulations never last long

They eventually abate

 

So take your time to think it through

Grant me absolution ‘cause I want you,

Keep those arms wide open,

Please let me in

And I promise to

Never hurt you, to support you

Through thick and thin

 

 

Last Chance

Tags

arduous, arms wide open, blurted, camouflage, chance, grueling, honesty, intriguing, last, lies, picture, pine, poem, quotes, redeem, through thick and thin, tribulations, truth, vindicate, virtue

 

 

 

As the lies mount up

You lose track

Fumbling of excuses

To cover up the blurted truth

Your twisted words

Silently bruising

Infuriatingly bewildering

Spiritually grueling

 

Blinded by your intriguing charm

Roped into your deceiving arm

The fault is nonetheless mine

Should’ve taken some time

So you’d wait and pine

 

Honesty has never been your virtue

The seeds of doubt in my mind perpetually grew

Loving you now seems like an arduous task,

Unknown to me, the one behind the camouflage

 

But everyone deserves a second chance

A chance to redeem

A chance to vindicate

Tribulations never last long

They eventually abate

 

So I give you time to think it through

Realize why I always forgave you

With arms wide open,

I’d let you in

Only if you promise to

Be sincere, to support me

Through thick and thin

 

A Solemn Vow

Tags

battles, best friend, birthday, comfort, emotional turmoil, forlorn, jocularity, jubilation, night conversations, picture, poem, quotes, reveling, secrets, sister, solemn, teenage riot, vow

We’ve shared moments of

Whispered secrets

Sheer delight

Teenage riot

White lies

Consoling weeping eyes

Burning the midnight oil

Phases of exasperating emotional turmoil

Late night conversations

Reveling in each others jubilation

Mirth and grief

Trivial arguments on conflicting beliefs

Flaring temper and comforting silences

Soothing advice and jocularity

Of battles fought and lessons learned

Of accepting differences and similarities

 

I promise to

Be by your side

Whenever you’re forlorn, in need of comfort

To relieve you of any repressed hurt

To love you with all my heart

To never let the smile on your face depart

 

It’s a solemn vow

I’m determined to keep

A very happy 17^th birthday my dearest best friend

May god shower you with happiness and

The willpower to cross mountains, no matter how steep

I dedicate this poem to Nandita- My best friend, my sister, my life.

Our first photograph taken four years ago. 
L-R: Nandita and Me

Growing as a writer

Dear fellow bloggers,

Hello and welcome to my blog. Unfortunately, there’s no poem to entertain and enchant you with this time. The thing is my Dad’s in the Armed Force and he gets posted every 1.5 years or so and I’m shifting to Lucknow (Situated on the northern Gangetic plains of India) in a week. But I’m leaving for Delhi (Capital of India) tomorrow, as my mum stays there. I’m in my final year of schooling (I’m a senior) and the academic pressure is already building up. To say the least, it took a lot of time to adjust here in Jammu (winter capital of Jammu and Kashmir) and being an extrovert I’d never anticipated being so isolated. Not only was I staying in a remote area miles away from the Main City but the mentality of people took me by surprise. It was a rude shock and it shook me to the core. So I resigned to fate and confined myself within the four walls of my little home. That is when my artistic prowess shined through the words I dreamily scribbled on the last pages of notebooks. I’ve always been a quitter because I don’t have the patience and perseverance to accomplish something but poetry offered a different world. My poems were not only appreciated but insightful critiquing was a major help. I was highly motivated by other poets and I realized, writing is cathartic for me and it’s the ONLY thing in my life that makes me feel alive.

Coming back to the issue on hand, I’m scared that after I shift I’d no longer be able to write. School work and adjusting to a new place will consume all my time. I’m not consistent and I’ve noticed a pattern i.e. I write about 6 poems in a month and then my creative juices cease to flow though I’ve never pushed myself to write because almost every time I’ve no clue about what I’m going to pen down. My ideas appear on the spur of the moment and spontaneously similar thoughts follow next. But what If my brain refuses to be creative burdened by all the stress?

Only time will tell.

Till then, I want to thank ALL the people who took out time to read my poems, follow my blog, drop heart-felt comments and clicked the like button.

Thank you so much!
All of you bloggers are amazing writers and I wish you good luck.
I hope I keep improving, accepting new challenges and exploring new terrain.

Take care.
With warm regards, Sanah

Bonding Time

Tags

bonding, cherish, childood shenanigans, daddy, enlighten, godsend, in cahoots, loose lace, march, mimicking, pictures, playful, poem, quotes, synchronized steps, toughening up, walks, whimsical grin, witty

He said
Tie up that loosely swinging lace
Or you’d fall flat on your face
Buckle up little soldier
For a march of our own
With synchronized steps
Shoulder to shoulder
Cross the road yourself today
C’mon now, be a bit bolder

Watch out for the vehicles
He’d chide
Walk on the right side
Lengthen your stride
But his words would fall on deaf ears
And when I’d start to pant
He’d slow down to my pace
With a whimsical grin on his face
He’d tease me all the way home
And call me a sloth, a wise cracking gnome

He called it “bonding time”
A time we’d walk routinely
On our customary routes
Sometimes having momentous conversations
Other times mimicking people, in cahoots

He’s toughening me up
Preparing me for the real world
For I’m safe in my cocoon
Polishing my rough edges
A wild bush he’d prune
Tending with loving care
He’s a godsend, a disguised boon

He’d entertain and enlighten
With stories and childhood shenanigans galore
My witty walking partner
His playful personality keeps me in stitches
Time will fly and our walks would cease altogether
But I’ll always cherish
These walks with my father

Return of the Rogue

Tags

courtships, exotic destinations, fleeting, forsake, mariner, pictures, poem, postcards, quotes, rogue, scoundrel, sunburned, voyage

I see, you’ve returned
From your voyage
Around the world
Sedate and comically sunburned

Lo and behold
It’s your birthday
Showered with love
Postcards sent all the way
To your doorway
From a girl in every port
Who’d been at your beck and call
From fleeting courtships
On the verge of fizzling out
When they finally figured
You weren’t such a knock-out

Oh, you expected me to wish
How could you be so foolish?
Hoping you’d show up and be forgiven
That after all this time,
I’d still be love-stricken

Anyway, A very Happy Birthday to the lying
Cheating rogue
You’re one day closer to dying
I forsake you, rot in hell
Goodbye scoundrel, fare the well

PMS Delirium

Tags

binging, cranky, depression, elation, frenzied thoughts, irrational, laziness, moody, obsessing, picsture, PMS, poem, quotes, whining

My jeans are tightening
My rear is fattening
My waist isn’t tiny
“Oh god, why me?”
My hair is greasy
My room looks sleazy
It takes every ounce of energy
To write
My grades are dropping
I’ve lost my insight

Their life seems
So much better than mine
All I do is throw a fit and whine
Lashing out at anyone who dares to call
Vacillating between extreme of
Depression and elation
Laziness and agitation

Obsessing over appearance and weight
Abruptly infuriated over being laughed at
For choosing to remain celibate
This mania continues throughout the day
Before it gradually begins to abate

The short-lived hysteria subsides
As I gulp in fresh air, out on a stroll
Bereft of anger and at peace
My frenzied irrational thoughts no longer beyond control

Bidding Adieu

Tags

apology, battling, brick by brick, brooding, empty heart, fare thee well, feign, friendship gone awry, indifference, joyful days, mental wounds, morose faces, mourning, mumbled goodbye, nostalgic, outsmart, pics, poem, pretense, quotes, reminiscing, sisterly love

As they bid adieu
With grave morose faces
A heavy brooding silence descended on them
Mourning the loss of time
Spent battling, sabotaging lives
Feigning indifference
Maintaining a hollow pretense
Having fun at one another’s expense

The struggle between a proud mind
And an empty heart
Conning each other, trying to outsmart
Had lead nowhere
It had only widened the void
Craving to be filled with sisterly love and care

As they huddled closer
Reminiscing the carefree and joyful days
Overwhelmed and nostalgic
They tore down the wall that had built between them
Brick by brick

Alas, it was time to leave
It would’ve taken only an apology
To relieve
Her of her misery
But none had taken the first step
Scared of the implication
So she had and boy, she was glad

Had they done so
She would’ve forgiven them
In a heartbeat
Now all she’ll remember would be
A hasty hug and a mumbled goodbye
For in this lifetime
They’d never meet

Estranged Beloved

Tags

drift apart, fatalism, futile, gaiety, ignorance, impulse, let go, oblivious, ordained, pics, poem, pregnant pause, quotes, sagged, sly, solemn, sudden disappearance, trademark smile, valiant, week in the knee, willful, wry

Perched on his bike
His shoulders sagged
His head bent
Peering at the ground
Oblivious to the gaiety around

Took a valiant effort to pass by
On impulse she looked back
Their eyes locked
She stopped in her track
In his hand he held a half-empty cigarette pack
He smiled his trademark smile
Wry and a bit sly
One that made women go weak in their knees
On her it seemed futile

Her face grew solemn
As he approached her
Willful ignorance and fatalism
Had all been in vain
Fate had ordained their meeting
Here was her chance to explain

He stood still, searching her eyes
A pregnant pause lingered in the air
Recalling the distress her sudden disappearance had caused
His questioning gaze turned into a glare

She refused to meet his eyes
And spoke the words she had rehearsed for days
Unburdening the weight on her heart
She felt they had drifted in divergent pathways

With nothing left to say
And one last look
She did what she’d done before
. . . Slowly walked away

Male Chauvinist Pig

Tags

atrocious, cold stares, cyber bullying, defamed, hate mails, heinous, insecurity, intimacy, male chauvinist, pics, quotes, scandals, snickering, social pariah, unjust

Cold stares and snickering
As she moved further
Their banter turned to bickering
About the extent of your intimacy
Your humility
Had given way to insecurity

She was the talk of the town
Flooded with degrading mails
Inquiring about the minute details
Of the scandalous tales
You had so insolently spread
My heart dropped
Hearing the things you had said

Who knew you were capable of such a heinous act
You defamed her and disgraced her honour
Unworthy of her trust
What you did was atrocious and unjust

A foul-mouthed male chauvinist pig
Is what you truly are
You were her strength, her messiah
Now she’s suffocating behind closed doors
Crushed under the weight of
Living life as a social pariah

Reliving Ingrained memories

Tags

archway, clandestine, debacle, etched, heart, inanity, liaison, maudlin, melody, myriad, panoramic, pics, quotes, rending, reverie, satiated, self pity, unrivaled beauty, weary, willow

 

Strolling in the wilderness
In a reverie, aimless
This panoramic vision
Had once been a haven
For their clandestine liaison

The unrivaled beauty, unfolds
A myriad of heart-rending memories
Etched in her mind,
For years they had laid entwined
Beneath the willow
Humming a melody
Pleasant and mellow

On the brink of inanity
She indulges in maudlin self-pity
Their love as sweet as a miracle
Had turned into a macabre debacle

Satiated and weary
Of shedding tears
She gathers strength and walks away
Her fingertips slightly brushing against
The familiar trees forming an archway

Bullying Babe

Tags

blabber, bully, calling names, chase, cronies, crumbling, domineering, expunge, harassment, insults, manipulative, maul, morale, narcissistic, pictures, poem, pretense, prissy, slanderous, tactics, tattletale, tiresome, tyranny, uptight

The first words that came to my mind for the title were skank and other extremely vulgar words. Though I loathe this woman with my whole being, it doesn’t seem right to belittle her character. Dealing with “emotionally unbalanced” people is a part of growing up and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. :)

 

A narcissistic slacker

An egoistic blabber

Uptight and prissy

With your cronies tagging behind

A tattletale you’ll forever be

 

You lured him under false pretense

You torture people with slanderous comments

Proficient at psychological harassment

Crumbling morale, your main intent

Sick of your own tyranny, you’d someday relent

 

Bullying your way through sorrow

Throwing insults, expecting others to swallow

I’m weary of your constant manipulative tactics

You’re renowned for your domineering antics

 

Your callous disregard and abrasiveness

Make me want to maul your face

If only I could expunge you from my memory

And put an end to this tiresome chase

Worth the Wait

Tags

bonding, desire, hearts, love, loyalty, mingling, passion, picture, poem, pure, radiant, rendezvous, sanity, timing, tranquility, tryst, unplanned, wait, womanhood, worth

 

A radiant smile on her face

Her eyes, twinkling with mischief

Returning from a rendezvous

With her loving beau

 

A harmless tryst

Unfurled an unexpected twist of fate

One thing led to another

The repressed desire and longing

Gave way to sudden explosion

Of sensuality and passion

 

Bonding of souls

Mingling of hearts

Letting go

Of sense and sanity

Holding onto

Pure unadulterated ocean of love

Filled with drops of tranquility

 

He was worth the wait

As unplanned as it was

The timing couldn’t have been more perfect

Her conscience clear of any inner conflict

 

A step towards blossoming womanhood

Acceptance of flaws

And deeper understanding of loyalty

Long Lost Love

Tags

abyss, angelic face, anguish, bliss, console, dejection, eternal, jealousy, lost, one man army, pictures, poem, quote, solace, weep

 

His hands, wrapped around her petite waist

Her angelic face buried in his chest

Glowing, beaming

From the warmth of his embrace

They seem content, in a state of bliss

Then why does it take my breath away

Drowning me in an abyss

Of dejection and despair

Pangs of jealousy

Paralyze me with anguish

Oh how I wish

I had never let him leave

He was the best thing that happened to me

A one man army, burdening himself with my grief

Consoling me, late into the night

Till I sighed with relief

 

May your love flourish eternally

May your strong silent shoulder provide solace

For I can only weep at the sight of my own weakness

For I know I’ll never replace

That pretty face

Cruel Ruse

Tags

betrayal, broken, cartoons, charms, collpsing, cruel, dark, deceptive, denial, destiny, disdain, dismay, dreams, drifted, engraved, entice, frayed, manipulative, mist, misused, pictures, recluse, retrace, revulsed, ruse, self-sacrifice, shrouded, solitary, stained, starry-eyed, tainted, trust, vain, veil, wanderer

Betrayal engraved by destiny

A solitary wanderer on an endless journey

On the brink of collapsing

My faith in humanity, dwindling

 

I can hear my heart breaking

Shattering into a million pieces

With revulsed dismay and frayed nerves

I retrace my steps as he observes

 

Expectations have disappointed me yet again

All the self-sacrifice went in vain

In this tainted relationship causing immense pain

Your true feelings were shrouded with disdain

 

Your manipulative and deceptive charms

Won’t entice me anymore

The dark veil of denial has lifted

The mist of starry-eyed dreams have drifted

 

Trust once broken

Cannot be regained

Our pure love has now been stained

I’m leading the life of a recluse

Misused

A victim of your cruel ruse

Lune(y) Haikus

Tags

accusations, dangling, feather, glistening, haikus, haunting, heartache, homesickness, inevitable, jack collom, jeopardize, lingering, lune, pace, picture, poem, scent, severe, shadows, smiling, speculations, touch

This is my first attempt at a fixed-form variant haiku created by Jack Collom, called LUNE! It is measured in words rather than syllables and is free from all constraints associated with haiku, thus need not contain kigo (season-word), kire (cut), may rhyme and may use all other poetic devices. The form is 3/5/3 words.

(As per Wikipedia)

*Fingers Crossed*

 

Our feet dangling

In the ice cold water

Glistening in sunlight

 

 

Speculations and accusations

Threaten to jeopardize strong relationships

Even destroy them

 

 

Inevitable bouts of

Homesickness and anxiety arise, causing

Painfully severe heartache

 

 

If only his,

Feather touch and fragrant scent lingered, a

Dream come true

 

 

The dark shadows

Fall in step with me

My pace quickens

 

 

Her smiling face

Haunting, everlasting, may her soul

Rest in peace

 

A Woman Scorned

Tags

agression, broken, chagrin, condescending, contradicted, cussing, ego, eyes, fist, gasp, grasp, inflated, insanity, patronize, pictures, pride, scorned, spree, temper, woman

An audible gasp

As I wrench away from your grasp

No longer will I let you patronize me

The chagrin apparent on your face

As you go on a cussing spree

 

Your condescending eyes

Glint with madness and insanity

You can’t stand being contradicted

We had never been on the same page anyway

Our ideas and beliefs had always conflicted

 

Your temper had flared

From time to time

But never had I seen a violent streak

I’d learned to overlook your inflated ego and pride

But that just gave way to the aggression inside

 

You’ll receive,

A kick to the groin

And a broken nose

Courtesy of my fist

If you ever again try to

Raise your voice

Or grab my wrist.

“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned

Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned“

Charade

Tags

abstemious, cacophony, cadenza, charade, damsel, distress, exquisite, jaded, limelight, pictures, raconteurs, sensuality, silver-tongued, soiree, sycophants, tainted

The scene at a soiree from the eyes of a cynic. ( Acrostic Poem) 

Cadenza, unable to drown the cacophony of voices

Half-witted conversations by

A bunch of silver-tongued sycophants

Raconteurs hogging the limelight and a few others

Abstaining from alcohol, almost abstemious

Damsels in distress, jaded, waiting to be wooed, with

Exquisitely tainted sensuality

Spoilt Brat

Tags

acts, angst, apologies, better, brat, brazen, curfew, dull, flashback, forgiving, formative, grudges, havoc, loving, mommies, mood swings, pictures, quotes, rebel, routine, spiteful, spoilt, tantrums, teenagers, turmoil, years

Happy Mother’s day in advance to all the wonderful mommies out there !!

The last picture in the photo album

Takes me back to my early formative years

Memories come flooding back

My wandering mind has a flashback

 

I remember saying all the things

I shouldn’t have

Spiteful words

Filled with rancour

Spat out curtly

My mother, a victim of my rage

Her distress caused no sorrow

I was engulfed by the dark side of teenage

 

The more she tried

The more I rebelled

There was turmoil in her mind

While mine wreaked havoc and was undeniably unkind

 

Freedom was not enough

Nothing could straighten me out

I abhorred the dull routine of existence

Breaking curfew, constant tantrums and brazen acts

Only widened the distance

 

I shudder at the thought

Of how reckless I was

Even the sincerest apologies

Won’t lessen the pain I’d caused

 

But a mother’s heart can never hold grudges

She’s still the same old loving and forgiving woman

I haven’t grown any wiser

Although she’s made me a better human

Stage Fright

Tags

applause, believe, calm, deep-throated, echo, eye-contact, flow, footsteps, fright, gaze, impending, instincts, intently, luck, palms, pictures, qualms, quotes, relieved, reluctant, silence, stage, storm, sweaty, tension, voice, words

Pin drop silence

The calm before the impending storm

Luck has never been in her favour

Even then her instincts told her to be braver

 

A deep-throated voice booms out her name

The dreaded moment has come

She hears the echo of her footsteps

As she clutches the mike with sweaty palms

And growing qualms

 

A hundred pairs of eyes gaze at her

Some intently

Others curiously

With a deep breath

She finally utters her first words

The tension built inside, evaporates

The reluctance to make eye-contact fades

 

The words seem to flow smoothly

And with certainty

It ends within minutes

Followed by thunderous applause

She walks away with her head held high

Relieved, this too had passed by.

Cookie-Cutter Hands

Tags

appalls, helplessness, hollow, intentions, loneliness, mutilation, pungent, quote, razor, self-inflicted, void

Red lines appear

As the razor pierces through her skin

Each cut deeper than the last

Closer to the vein

A classic case of self-inflicted pain

 

Blood trickles down profusely

Refusing to stop

As it falls on the marbled floor

Drop by drop

 

Her sore blood-stained hands

Search new places to injure

It’s the re-emergence of an old habit

Trying to fill this void of loneliness

This endless feeling of helplessness

 

The pungent smell appalls her to no end

Ashamed of being so weak

She promises to cease this form of self-mutilation

But even to her own ears

The words sound hollow

She knows her intentions will change again tomorrow

Deceiver’s Lair

Tags

ablaze, calloused, cheating, deceiver, fury, gaunt, half-truths, lair, molten hurt, pained look, silhouette, torment

Her eyes turn a deep shade of amber

Ablaze with fury

Boring with such intensity into the eyes

Of a passionate teller of half-truths and whole lies

The torment evident in her unwavering glare

Caught in the deceiver’s lair

 

Her knuckles whiten

As her calloused fingers ball up into a fist

Her face, gaunt and drained

of all emotion, pained

the molten hurt bubbling deep within, restrained.

 

With one last look at his face

She walks away into the night

Her silhouette disappearing in the moonlight

 

Her silence says it all..

 

I Dreamt of Happiness

Tags

carvings, cherishable, cooing, delight, dreamt, happy, memories, times

I dreamt of the street

I had trodden on everyday

I dreamt of the high building

I called my own for years

I dreamt of the lonesome park bench

I would sit on, at dusk

I dreamt of a house

I’d go to every now and then

 

I dreamt of a familiar looking woman cooing at her baby

I dreamt of the coloured swings

I dreamt of the places we’d go to

I dreamt of the tree carvings

 

I dreamt of our long conversations

That kept us awake whole night

I dreamt of your farewell party

With you squealing with delight

 

I woke up with a smile

I woke up full of life

The past however turbulent it had been

Was also filled with cherishable memories.

 

Prodigal Forever

Tags

alive, carefree, confined, envisions, escape, headstrong, impish, joy, mend, obstinate, prodigal, son, staggers, visceral

The mother cries with relief

“I thank thee, lord

thou helped him survive”

overwhelmed with the sheer visceral joy of seeing him alive

the love in her heart overpowers the fear in her mind

he had run away to escape the world in which he was confined

 

All hail the prodigal son

for he has returned

no longer headstrong or obstinate

he staggers with an impish grin on his face

he plans to stay and mend his ways

and leave behind his carefree days

 

Or so she envisions.

Words of Wisdom

Tags

battle, best, blessed, courage, devoid, faith, feat, feminist, fight, fragile, grandma, honour, hope, innocence, instincts, life, lord, loving, moment, pamper, pictures, poem, power, precious, pudgy face, quotes, rain, repent, respect, rights, seize, skills, storm, strife, struggles, success, supressed, wisdom, wisely, words

My granny is a hale and hearty old lady with good moral principles and a cute pudgy face, making it impossible not to pull her cheeks. She always has everyone’s best interests at heart and is my ultimate support system. Our every phone conversation ends with a brief lesson about life in general and the adversities one may face. Also with I love you’s, of course. Here’s a little insight into those few last minutes. It may seem preachy to many, but to me these are the words I’ll cherish after she’s gone.

Life begins at the end of our comfort zone

It’s something you should learn early in life

Success arises from struggles and hardships

Lead a path, devoid of strife

 

In this male dominated

Dog eat dog world

It’s hard to survive

Being a feminist won’t make anything better

And so won’t being suppressed and naïve.

 

Believe in yourself

Fight for your rights

Walk with your head held high

Trust your instincts

Have faith in your parents

Be courageous enough to admit a lie

 

Remember, what goes around comes around

Respect is a two-way street

No one expects you to move mountains

But climbing it, is itself a feat

 

Treat everyone with kindness

For everyone’s fighting a battle of their own

Appreciate the good things and be thankful

Make the best of every moment

Chose your words wisely, for later you shall repent

 

This time won’t come back

You’ll soon be a young lady

With decisions to make

And responsibilities to fulfill

Treasure your fragile innocence

Seize the opportunities

Honour your skills

Have hope in the lord almighty

For he’ll guide your ship through the storms

You’ve my blessings and all my love

I’ll be the twinkling star watching from above. .

End of an Era

Tags

12 o clock, adrenaline rush, attention, beginning, bright, chances, dance, dress, drinks, end, era, food, friends, hugs, kisses, lads, lavish buffet, lights, lover, new, oldies, parents, party, pictures, poem, prose, quotes, second, smoke, ties, wishes, women, year

This is the first time I’m writing a prose poem.

I’m not even sure this is how it’s supposed to be but nonetheless I tried.

Feel free to critique. :)

The end of an era

The beginning of a new one

A promising night

The lawns extravagantly decorated

A lavish buffet with alluring delicacies

A sight, seen to be believed

Skimpily clad women

Dressed to the nines

Strutting in high heels

Attracting undivided attention

Enjoying being ogled at

The lads adjusting their ties

Unaccustomed to the formal attire

Some with their arms linked

The others hovering in groups

Breath smelling of rum and coke

Air filled with clouds of smoke

Cigarette butts scattered around

Youth crowding the dance floor

Hips swaying to the music

The high, stoned and crazies

All in the centre

Without a care in the world

Reveling in the adrenaline rush

The older lot

Seated

Catching up with long lost friends

Mulling over the past

Discussing their child’s future

The time flew by

The clock struck 12

A collective cheer

Happy New Year

Hugs and kisses

Genuine wishes

From parents, friends and lovers

Celebrating the end of an era

Contemplating the beginning of a new one.

 

Broken Bones

Tags

accident, alive, ardor, bad, bandaged, beauty, bloated, breathing, day, dreary, eeriness, eyes, footsteps, friendship, girl, god, heals, heart, hit-and-run, hope, hospital, hurt, hushed, life, nightmares, petrifying, pictures, placid, plaster, poem, prayer, quotes, ragged, ravaged, ray, redolent, relief, rushed, scratches, silence, strange, strong, survive, swollen, time, trembling, voices, warmed, whirl, wisdom, wounds

With trembling hands

He opened the door

A million images flashed in front of his eyes

What he saw next made his heart sore

 

Lying on the bed

Draped with a clean white sheet

Her face was bloated,

Swollen and red

Scratches covering her feet

 

Her leg was bluish,

Breathing was ragged

One hand in a plaster, the other bandaged

Her body was brutally ravaged

 

The room seemed redolent of a strange eeriness

It reeked of death and acid

With no trace of dirt and painfully white walls

It somehow seemed placid

 

Other than the beeping monitors

The ringing telephone

The sound of rushed footsteps and hushed voices

An awkward silence hung in the air

He breathed a sigh of relief

When she fluttered her eyes

And silently hummed a prayer

 

In the middle of the night

He had received a call

There had been an accident

A ruthless case of hit-and- run

His mind began to whirl

He said he’d be there in an instant

 

She was rushed to the hospital

And put in intensive care

He had no hope she would survive

Sleep offered no comfort

For he had petrifying nightmares

 

As she now looked at him with dreary eyes

And motioned for him to come closer

A ray of hope warmed his heart

Time would heal all wounds

And soon they’d be celebrating the beauty of life with ardor. .

Unrequited Questions

Tags

adored, armor, back, booze, broken, calls, closer, come, darlin, distance, down, downpour, earnestly, false promises, folks, forgotten, heart, homesick, hug, ignored, knight, letters, lonely, miss, old friends, parting, passed, pictures, pitfall, poem, present, questions, quotes, resent, see-through, sister, unanswered, unsaid, upside, waiting, worry, wrench

Where are you darlin’?

Where have you run off to?

Have I done anything wrong?

Doesn’t your heart wrench,

Without talking to me for so long?

 

Do you carry my letters?

Don’t you miss me anymore?

Why haven’t you written back yet?

Do you still sing in the downpour?

 

Are you aware that your sister calls me every day?

Have you even spoken to her?

Why did you make those false promises?

Weren’t you my knight in shining armor?

 

Do you ever get homesick?

Ever thought about your folks?

Remember celebrating that old lady’s birthday?

Did anyone tell you she passed away?

 

Have you checked your mail recently?

Did you read the one’s I sent?

Don’t you worry even a little about me?

Do you know I’ve started to strongly resent,

Your parting present?

 

Do you realize my birthday is around the corner?

Should I at least expect a call?

You’ve forgotten all your old friends, haven’t you?

What would you do when you land in a pitfall?

 

Who would you turn to then?

Would you look for booze or a comforting hug?

Till when will your intoxicated friends help you?

Or would they walk past you, regarding you completely see-through?

 

So many questions that plague my mind

Unanswered and ignored

Earnestly anticipating your return

To the person I once, with all my heart, adored.

 

Daddy’s Girl

Tags

advice, best, big, brown, charm, cloud, confident, dad, dance, daughter, eyes, forgiveness, gentleman, golf, grey, hair, heart, home, hug, humble, jokes, kind, lining, love, man, mugs, pictures, poem, principles, quotes, silly, silver, smile, sync, thoughts, walks, wise, witty

Humble and soft-spoken

With the mannerisms of a gentleman,

With soft brown eyes, greying hair and a smiling face

He’s a statuesque man exuberating charm and grace.

 

A man of principles

With a confident stride

A man with a big warm heart and an open mind

He isn’t bound by the chains of ignorance and pride.

 

A man who’d miss a golf tournament

To go for a walk with his daughter

A man who compromised his whole life

To make hers better and brighter.

 

A man who attended his little girls PTA’s

And heard all the praises and remarks over the years

A man who during her dance performances

Clapped the loudest

A man who made silly faces

When presented with a small mug with scrawny handwriting

That said “To the bestest, daddy dearest”.

 

A man adamant on not buying a new golf bag

However obsolete and frayed the old one became

A man who never said no to a new dress or accessory

No matter how extravagant and unnecessary.

 

A man who’d stay at home and watch a movie

Than go out for a drink

Whose main priority is always his family

Our thoughts often, in sync

 

A man who’ll perform random deeds of kindness

And laugh his way through bad times

Who’ll smother me with a bear hug

After I’ve confessed to a petty crime.

 

He’s the life of the party

The man in the center of a crowd

Entertaining everyone with witty jokes

He’s the silver lining in the cloud.

 

My love for him would never cease

I’m truly and utterly thankful

For every time that he forgave me

For every word of advice

For every smile that touched my eyes

For every sacrifice.

I LOVE YOU THIIIIIIISS MUCH DADDY ! :D

A Living Zombie

Tags

abysmal, bridges, calls, candid, crying, deceived, despise, dying inside, easier, existence, futile, grudges, guilt, hate, heart and soul, heart-broken, heartless, hurt, karma, letting go, life, little voice, lost, melt, mess, miserable, pictures, poem, quotes, ruined, selfish, sins, sole purpose, sullen, thought, unforgivable sins, walls

You’re one of those girls

He said candidly

You don’t deserve his love

He’s dying inside, slowly.

 

I hate you because I love him

Were his exact words

I’ve never seen a man this miserable

You’ve ruined his life

You’ve made him unstable.

 

Every weekend I’m at his place

So he doesn’t feel alone

And every night he cries himself to sleep

His hand clutching his phone.

 

He’s shattered and heart-broken

He pines for you

Every moment he prays you’d come back to him

Every second lost in your thoughts,

His face sullen and grim.

 

I despise the person he has become

And you’re the one to blame

How could you be so heartless?

Today you’ve to confess

Why’d you land him in this abysmal mess?

His heart and soul growing weaker with stress.

 

He refuses to eat

On his walls he scrawls

He’s killing himself with futile guilt

Patiently waiting for your calls.

 

As much as it would hurt him

I suggest you stay away

You haven’t made his life any easier

Karma will get you someday

For your unforgivable sins, you’d pay.

 

As his words

Now echo in my head

My heart filled with dread

How would he react if he would spend

A day being my friend

Would he understand

How I had felt?

Listening to my side of the story,

Would his heart melt?

 

As I begin to question the sole purpose of my existence

How had I been unable to return

The abundant love I’d received

A little voice at the back answered

“Because you were selfish throughout

And in the end he felt deceived.”

You, Her and The Ocean

Tags

alone, babe, bane, beach, beautiful eyes, boon, chestnut, hair, lips, ocean, photograph, pictures, poem, quotes, sand, ship, sparkle, travelling, world

Standing next to her

Holding her hand

A smile plastered on your face

Your feet buried in the sand

 

With nothing but your shorts on

You still look clothed

Scantily clad, she struck a pose

Everything about her

I began to loathe

 

Your face inches away from hers

Her lips, luscious and slightly parted

With chestnut hair and eyes the colour of the ocean

I wonder which pick up line you had finally chosen.

 

If it wasn’t for your eyes

You would’ve looked truly blissful

But the sparkle nowhere in sight

These weren’t the eyes,

That once shone so bright.

 

They seemed to tell a story of their own

Deep down you knew you’d soon be alone

As the ship would sail once again

The boon of travelling the world

Turned out to be a bane

 

Once inside the cramped cabin

The ocean, as far as the eyes can see

You’d eagerly wait for your next destination

To finally be on land

Another photograph taken

Holding another girl’s hand.

A Guy Called Enigma

Tags

absence, change, end, enigma, faraway look, fear, happiness, hugs, infinite nothingness, lost, man of few words, martyr, memories, mystery, pictures, poem, quiet, quirky, quotes, scared, scars, silence, sorrow, stars, teardrop

Write me a letter

Tell me how you feel

As you wallow in your sorrow

For you there’s no tomorrow

 

You hide behind your scars

Like your end is near

But with me by your side

You can overcome any fear

 

You say I’m your life

And I brighten your day

Only my happiness counts

For my safety, you pray.

 

A man of few words

You’ve forever been a mystery

Your actions speak louder than your words

You’re courteous yet quirky.

 

I remember watching you

Quiet and still

You’d sit for hours

Staring into the infinite nothingness

Counting the stars.

 

A teardrop would appear

As you’d hastily brush it away

Scared of showing your weak side

Yet wanting me to stay.

 

We’d hold hands

And say nothing for a while

The silence comforting us both

Then with a faraway look in my eyes

I’d say the world was hostile

That change is inevitable

That time seems to fly.

 

You’d sincerely listen to me ramble

Without uttering a word

You’d wrap your arms around

Console me with your melodic breathing sound.

 

Write me a letter

A written proof of your love

As your words are of a martyr

And as they say- Absence makes the heart grow fonder

But with every passing minute,

Our memories become fainter. .

An Unspoken Goodbye

Tags

endless fun, false promises, goodbye, hope, just friends, laughter, letting go, living a lie, love, one-sided, pictures, poem, pouring rain, silent, starry night, tears

I watched you leave

Teary eyed

You held me close

As you whispered your last goodbye.

 

You took my hand

And entwined with yours

Before I could speak

You kissed my cheek

And said you’d never forget

The day we met

And every little thing we’ve done

Under the starry night

In the pouring rain

Or the blazing sun

Every moment filled with laughter and endless fun.

 

Gullible and naïve

I hung onto every word you said

Till days passed and nights crawled by

When I finally realized I was living a lie.

 

You never belonged to me

I was nowhere near your heart

You’d given it away a long time back

And she was the one you truly loved all this time

I stifled a sob and cut the phone

I knew you could never be mine.

 

I often wonder if you ever think about me

Sit back and reminisce with a sigh

I haven’t been able to forget you completely

no matter how hard I try

to deny.

 

One day, I’d wish you were there to catch me

When I stumble and fall

Someday, I’d muster up the courage

To set aside my ego

And give you a call. .

True Colours.

Tags

angry, colours, crying, cuts, eyes, hair, heart, insomnia, poem, streaks, teen

Here comes the punk

The world seems to say

She lowers her head to

Avoid the stares

And walks away in dismay.

 

And no one sees her true colours.

 

Under the tousled bleached hair,

Lies the dysfunctional brain of an adolescent

The pierced ears

Tired of hearing lies, so blatant.

 

Hiding the swollen eyes

The thick line of dark kohl

Sloppily applied

Contrasting the immaculate pattern

Of deep cut marks on the wrist

The blade lay hidden beside the bedside.

 

And no one sees her true colours.

 

Sleep deprived

Nerves on fire

she stared at walls

Full of ire.

 

The gist of the treacherous course of life

Beyond the understanding of a young mind

She tried hard to see from their eyes

Instead they coloured her blind.

 

Wanted to disappear

Needed to be found

And so on the cycle went

Till in her sea of despair. .  She drowned.

 

And no one saw the warmth radiating from her heart

Underneath it all.

Delusionally Yours.

Tags

being strong, diminishing passion, emotionally dependent, forgiveness, friends, hurt, pain, running away, suffocation

Scrutiny in your eyes

Tracking my every move

You’re a stranger in disguise

Speaking in tones of gentle reproof.

 

My life doesn’t feel like my own

With you breathing down my neck

Every passing second

You’re aware of all my flaws

Your pure obsession

Gnaws

At my conscience

I do not need your guidance

To understand life’s essence.

 

You’re draining me emotionally

Trying to light the bridges you burnt

Forcing me to emerge as the stronger one

You’ve left me in a daze and undone.

 

You’re hurting inside

Choking me with your words

Berating yourself

Pushing me downwards

 

Asking for forgiveness

Apologizing too much

Throwing your life away

You see the year old memories replay

In your dreams, every day.

You’re running away

You’re drifting somewhere.

 

You’re down in the dumps

The burning passion in you long gone

You’re living in the past

Tired of being trampled on and a social outcast.

 

I wish you would move on

And let go of the pain

you’ve held inside for so long

So I can finally stop feeling this way

And even though we would remain friends

It’ll never be the same again. .

This is for YOU. Thank you for your unconditional love. But sadly, too much of anything is bad. I’d never ever forget you. :)

Quest for Vengeance.

Tags

agony, battered, fantasy, hurt, revenge

 

 

Paranoia

Anxiety

A million shattered dreams

All was lost

Or so it seemed

Fought hard to avoid extremes.

 

Lost control

Abandoned hopes

Growing depth of despair

Felt so helpless,

Felt so bare.

 

Stone cold eyes

Burned a hole

Deep into his diminishing soul

Crimson blood

Poured out

Turned him into a living ghoul.

 

Ages ago

A mere mortal

A harmless being

Transformed,

Now a savaging beast

A barbarian

His monstrous streak forever unleashed.

 

He ached to tear you up into pieces

Chew and spit

And feast on your raw flesh

In a hollow cave, beautifully moonlit.

 

He’d then watch you cry out in pain

And slowly sing

a gut wrenching lullaby

look you in the eye

and show you how much it hurt

when you murdered his only last hope

with no effort.

 

And when you’re reborn

If you remember the hell he put you through

For your unforgiving deeds

Hopefully you’ll turn into a better person

Live a blissful life and succeed!

Your Malignant Presence.

Tags

diabolic intentions., Extreme hatred, hurt beyond repair

It’s time you bear the brunt of my brutality now.

Oh, and this is specially for you darling ! :)

Sleepless nights

Painful sights

Chased by you in my dreams

Wake up with ear piercing screams.

 

Tormented,

With no hope of return

From the dark alley of hatred

Rays of light burn

Every inch of my body

Craving to be nurtured

 

Somebody to hold my hand

In this unknown land

To feed me love

Pray for mercy from above.

 

Waiting for this nightmare to end

To stop cringing at the mention of your name

You’re not the one to blame

I mastered you at your game.

 

The emotional harassment

The embarrassment

You’ve caused me all these years

Has to cease

I’ve gained the knowledge

To all life’s little mysteries.

 

I know you’re not

Who you pretend to be

Neither can you ever be me

So hide that plastic face

Every time I see you

It makes me grimace.

 

I may be as cold

As the winter breeze

But you’re a heartless being

Your words seems forced

Your actions, irrational

Your thoughts are in a mess

Your soul is in distress.

 

But since I know

Every dog has its day

I’ll patiently plot my revenge

Await your fate

For very soon it shall be your doomsday.

 

And then I’d do what you did

Stab you in the back

Put you in a sack

And throw you somewhere far away

So your stinking blood will be at bay

 

I’ll watch you drown

Deep into the sea

Relive all the hurt

You’ve caused me

 

Bask in the glory

of being free

Enter the unknown land

Quiet and eerie

 

Stay there for a thousand years

And finally rot to death

Curse you till your soul crumbles

And snatches away your breath.

BEAUTIFUL DEATH

I know HATE is a strong word to throw around, but some people are just not worth being approached with kind words. I hope I didn’t come out as too callous. My main objective was to vent out all that I was holding back.

Thank you.

-Sanah. :)

Pseudo Psyche !

Tags

Don't change for others, People come and go but those who want to stay always find a way

I still remember

Your bone chilling words

Crystal clear in my mind

The sadistic pleasure you got that day

Such a petty reason behind

All that unnecessary melodrama

You shushed me whenever I tried to explain

You got your way

But what did you attain?

 

A boost to your ego

That you finally proved me wrong

With your harsh words

You didn’t make me weak,

No, you made me strong.

 

It’s been exactly a week now

Since you broke all contact

I’ve never been so content

With my dignity still intact.

 

It’s surprising

How easily you hurt me

Remembering, the different side of you

It all seems untrue.

 

Now,

All your lies

And all your pretense

stares me in the face

I can’t believe I trusted you for so long

Sick to my stomach,

It’s such a disgrace.

 

Though we shared a wonderful past

The bond’s now broken

From this never ending nightmare you kept me captive in

I have awoken.

 

I no more kill myself with guilt

I’m free from your clutches

You probably deserve better

But just know that I burned your memory to ashes.

 

I would’ve apologized

This time too

Like I always do

But something stopped me in my tracks

You pointed out the things I lack.

 

And had a mighty good time making me feel worthless

Maybe that was just anger

With a hint of sarcasm

And pent up frustration

But that gave you no right to be so heartless.

 

I’m finally at peace with who I am

With a handful of people having faith in me

Thankful to have learned this lesson

Even though the hard way

I now, know we were never meant to be.

Kind words Of a Mother.

Tags

comforting words of mum, The unifying bond

The mother-daughter bond is the closest and most emotionally intense of all relationships. So cherish the company of your dear old mother as not everyone is lucky enough to have one !

The time seems to fly

Minutes turn into hours

Beads of sweat trickle down my face

The panic grows

And suddenly the bell rings..

It’s the end of the rat race.

 

As I step out of the room

A prayer on my lips

Overcome with guilt

The courage I had built

Slips away.

 

Recalling

All those moments I could’ve studied

Which I wasted so recklessly

Now filled with regret

All I can do is fret.

 

When I finally realize the consequences

The world still spinning before my eyes

Excited faces gather around me

All bursting with pride

So ashamed of myself

I search for a place to hide.

 

In the solace of my room

My face streaming with tears

Buried in my hands

In the silence,

I hear my mother approaching

She sits beside me

And says nothing for a while

And I know on her lips

Is a lingering smile.

 

Then she softly murmurs

Her voice almost inaudible

About her own past

A phase, unknown to me

Her delightful yet turbulent teenage years

Which ended so fast.

 

Comforted by her words

I know she understands

That there’s no secret potion or a magic wand

To make her adolescent  perfect

And she knows that I respect

Her well thought decisions

And that the next one I make

Would be made with precision.

I’m extremely grateful to have such a great dad too. :)

The Half Year Voyage.

Tags

When best friends leave it's harder than it seems.

YOU’RE . . .

Happy days are not so far

This too shall pass

It’s just a phase

As sands of time

Pass through an hourglass.

 

Mind over heart

Such miles apart

I set you free

With no regrets

You shall live your life

With buried secrets.

 

You refused to stay

Said

I couldn’t have everything my way

I fought with all my might

You wouldn’t listen

I cried all night at my

Sorrowful plight.

 

But since you promised to come back soon

Bring sunshine after the monsoon.

So I’ll wait for you

With plenty of stories

And heaps of mixed feelings

 

And even after the half year’s separation

I’d love you all the same

You would’ve earned oodles of money

and finally achieved your aim !

Losing the Best.

Tags

Missing friends.

Sometimes,

The People you can’t live without,

Live without you !

Happiest Day of My life !

GOOD OLD TIMES ! :’)

 

Sitting outside

Deep in thoughts

The tension evaporates

As I see

Flocks of pigeons

And a gaggle of geese

Strangely,

Leaving me calm and at peace.

 

The light breeze blowing

The leaves slowly rustling

The noisy chattering birds

Lovingly cuddling.

 

The sound of my father shooting hoops

my mother watching news

as she holds the warm cup of coffee

both forgetting  the everyday issues.

 

My vision suddenly blurs

Crimson and coral coloured flowers

With bright emerald leaves

The long eucalyptus trees

Vanish from my sight

To be replaced by

Salty uncontrollable tears

And never ending fears.

 

A sense of loneliness

Comes over me

A longing to be

With my loved ones

To talk till my heart’s content

Like we used to before,

Now those memories seem

so surreal and distant.

My heart filled with woe.

 

As the sky turns

A bright orange

The leaves become still

The chattering dies down

The TV is turned off

And the court is now barren.

 

The eerie silence haunts me

The darkness reminding me

Of the days long forgotten

My lips tremble

My heart aches

They’re no longer with me

They’re presence

just for namesake.

 

They’re gone with no hope of returning

A part of me lost forever

All I’m left with are the memories

Fading with time as the reality becomes clearer. . .

 
" .. . .Ain't no doubt about it, 
I'm losing you, 
Somehow the wires have crossed, 
Communication's lost .. ." 

-John Lennon ( I'm losing you )

A walk down the melancholic memory lane

Tags

say no to alcohol.

Get high on Life, not on Alcohol.

Make the correct decision now, or else regret later !

As I lay on my bed
a thought crossed my perturbed mind
What if I hadn’t been so juvenile?
And had thought about the consequences
would things have been different?
Would we still be friends?
Now that I think of the miserable night
my body shudders with guilt and fright!

The profanities and the hurtful words
which weren’t meant to be heard
hurled out of my filthy mouth
like daggers on fire
which pierced through their hearts
It wasn’t something I meant, it sounded absurd!
I regret every moment
And wish somehow I could undo
the agony I caused my loved ones
the pain they went through.

Rest of the night
seems hazy and blurred
unconsciousness took over me
I cried myself to sleep
There was nothing I could possibly do
except curse myself and weep!
I lost a friend
and his trust
to the appealing charm
of the fraudulent world of alcohol
my intentions weren’t vindictive
but before I could remind myself
I stumbled and had a catastrophic fall
into the depth of the
Creeping darkness
crawling at my innocent self
But
My angels in disguise
came to help.

The impact was too deep
and so was the wound I had carved
I asked for forgiveness
But my pleas went in vain.
And so I learned a lesson that day
And hence before committing a mistake
that I shall regret later
I think about that sorrowful night
And go down the melancholic Memory lane . . . .

Thank you so much Yash. You’re a true friend ! :)

9th June. .

Tags

accept things and people change, long distance relationship

A month passed by

And we’re still going strong

I miss you more than you can think

Together

We belong.

I hear the phone ringing

and I hope it’s you

in the depths of my despair

my Limbs lying askew.

Your voice brings a smile

Picture perfect memories unfold

Some feelings, untold

You melt a heart, stone cold.

You make me laugh

You lighten up my mood

But our conversations are unpredictable

From sweet little talks

To a horrible feud!

But, something always brings me back to you

It never takes too long

Without you, the world seems absurd

Things go wrong.

I’d never do anything to make you wanna cry

I’m sorry if I do something to make you really mad

it only comes back

and makes me really sad .

But promise to be nice

And true to your words

It hurts when you do something frivolous

So don’t do it now onwards.

Sometimes when I’m alone,

I wonder

Of all the things we could do

If only I was there with you.

And as we broke the barriers

We roamed on the streets

And laughed to our hearts content

Even though for a short while

The moments were truly fervent.

It triggers a pain in my heart

To be miles apart

But the faith I have in you keeps me strong

Baby, just know that

together

We belong.

A month has gone by,

I miss you

And I wish I could be there

To show how much I care.

I wish I could cuddle up next to you

P.s I love you !

{Sadly, we’re not together anymore. }

It’s hard to say goodbye to someone who means  a lot to you, but sometimes that’s all you can do.

Heartless Beasts

Tags

Murder of an innocent teenager

Their hands
stained with her blood
smear over her wounds
screams echo all around
but in her deep slumber
the slayers make no sound.

Scarred for life
the trauma continues
the fear of the unknown
now haunts her broken soul
she holds on to sanity
to fight the war with the satanic ghoul.

The toxic pills soothe her turbulent mind
she feels at peace
at ease
safe and free
nymphomaniacs n schizophrenics
no longer exist in her world
she drifts away to another place
in silence
forgetting and leaving behind the pain .. .
the abuses hurled !

Betrayal

Tags

When people cheat.

How am I supposed to
Get OVER you?
When you are all
I can think about.

Your sweet breath
blowing my hair
when you take me
in an embrace.

Your masculine hands
Wrapped around me
protectively and possessively
my hand in yours
Holding on to the world
Holding on to you!

The precious moment passes by
Leaving me fervent and ecstatic
Yearning for your soothing touch
And generous ways,
For your presence,
For those simple gestures of love,
For the sweet little talks,
For the meaningless fights
Now without you
Melancholic are my nights.

Now I’m full of remorse
Each nerve aching for you
my insides hurt
And my head wants to explode.
Each memory of ours
Flashing in front of my eyes
threatening to break through me
and prove right all your lies.

The broken promises
The facade that you pulled
Those anxious eyes
Searching my soul
For forgiveness
I did not bore.

How am I supposed to
Believe you, love you
Yet again?

When all you did was
Hurt me
And bestow upon me
Unbearable pain. . . . .

A Lost Cause

Tags

loneliness, missing someone

Loneliness
captivates me
and haunts
my once pleasant dreams
all the sanity in me
fades away
leaving me hollow and restless.

Your love is like
venom in my blood
possessing and caressing me
engulfing me in pools of sorrow.

These wounds won’t heal with time
in this unreal world
these tears won’t cease for years
until you fix my broken soul
and drive away my fears.

Emptiness
is what I feel…
Death
is what I want!

Pain
is my soul mate
soothing my screaming nerves
drowning me in self pity and hate
You’ve made me
a masochist.
A living tragedy
with a traumatic past.
A cryptic, a soul less being
you’ve made me numb.

But your voice makes me ecstatic
waves of joy wash over my
craving being.
Your words raise my dampened spirits..
Give meaning to my life.

U make me Human..
Yet again!

First Love

Tags

When infatuation seems like Love !

When you look into my eyes

The time just flies

You’re the one for me

You’re my ecstasy

I loved the way you looked at me

When it was just you and me

I loved the way you made me feel special

The way you stood for me

I loved you with all my heart

But you broke it and tore it apart

Now blood flows through my eyes

My heart aches and cries

For the one I loved the most

And now the memories haunt me like a

Long forgotten ghost!

I hate myself for what you did

And try to think it’s just a dream

This will soon fade away

To make the moments again splendid

But how can I escape the truth

You hate me with all your might

What were the reasons for our fight?

That made me cry whole day whole night!

How can you forget the moments we spent

Together, alone, the way it meant

the fun we had

the way we went mad

Screaming shouting all over the place

With such ease and grace.

The way you went flirting with others

I scolded you like a mother

The way we looked for each other everywhere

We surely looked like a pair.

At last you said goodbye to me

The day you went away from me

You never looked back once

To see if I was there

You never asked for me

To see if I ever cared.

But hey I know you were faking it all

Never bothered to at least make a call

But go and live your life my dear

Without any shame or fear

And as I love you

I wish you all the best

Go my dear conquer the world

And stand ahead of the rest!

I wrote this when I was thirteen. Due to my fluctuating mood and hormonal imbalance I thought it was the end of the world. Now, I know better !

MY 2nd LOVE !!!