Gut Instinct

Tags

besotted, charmer, chemistry, compatibility, declarations of love, exhilarated, gut instinct, idea of love, intuition, perfect on paper, pictures, poem, quotes, sensibility, take the plunge, time

 

Am I falling in love

Or am I infatuated

With the idea

Of being in love

With you

Because, I know

How it feels to be

Wholeheartedly besotted

Inexplicably exhilarated                                                  

Losing track of time

And all sense and sensibility

In a beloved’s cherished presence

But with you, it doesn’t feel the same

Is it all in my head?

 

You’re perfect on paper

A charmer by default

But every time I convince myself

To take the plunge

My gut instincts

Make me take a step back

Remind me

Of your persistent,

Quotidian declarations of love,

Our stagnant conversations,

Absence of chemistry

And lack of compatibility

 

Am I finding faults or merely listening to my intuition?

 

Deciphering A Dream

Tags

amiss, baggage, blurred reality, calm facade, damage, dream, erratic meltdowns, message, outer shell, pictures, poem, quotes, read between words, unuttered woes

 

 

rollover reaction

n. when your dream about someone you know skews how you feel about them all the next day, an emotion you are unable—and unwilling—to shake.

 

Often I find answers

In the realm of my dreams

These subconscious thoughts

Uncloud my blurred reality

 

You only fathom a part of me

The one I choose to show

But we’ve been conversing long enough

For our relation to grow

For you to know

Who I truly am

And yet

You’re unable to comprehend

My unuttered woes

The damages I subtly disclose

The baggage weighing me down

The reasons behind my erratic meltdowns

 

I’ve been willing my heart to believe

That someday

You’ll read between my words

See right through

My calm facade, my outer shell

But this dream shattered my illusion

Conveyed a message too strong to dismiss

That you’re not the one

That something is amiss

For once, I’ll let my mind overpower my heart

 

 

The Aftermath

Tags

addiction, aftermath, berate, denial, growing distant, inner voice, losing self, pictures, poem, poison, Pyrrhic victory, quotes, tragedy, trap, ultimatums

 

I berate, isolate myself

As I deal with the aftermath

Of the tragedy

That my life has become

 

They all sang the same tune

Advised me innumerable times

Pleaded me

Gave me ultimatums eventually

To escape this addictive trap

To quit inhaling poison

That brings nothing but self-destruction

They said I’m losing my true self

And sooner or later, I’d lose them too

 

Every time I strained myself

To deny the temptation

To listen to my inner voice

But my urge to feed this addiction

Always won

This hard-fought battle

Leaving me

With a Pyrrhic victory

 

I’ve burst the denial bubble

The growing distance

The resounding silences

Too much to bear

It’s time to redeem my life

And I pray for the end

Of this mentally exasperating nightmare

 

Forever Lost

Tags

contemplating, far away look, forever, incarcerated, inner conflicts, isolation, lost, pictures, poem, quotes, solitary

Nodus Tollens

n. the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong in the same genre.

 

Nowadays, I find myself

Mechanically sifting through life

Remembering moments frozen in time

Contemplating the path not taken

Staring into empty spaces

Feeling solitary

In a crowd of familiar faces

 

At night,

Pangs of isolation overwhelm me

Inner conflict brews within

I feel incarcerated in my own skin

I feel

forever lost. .

 

 

Chink In The Armour

Tags

armour, baring soul, chink, guards up, indifference, pictures, poem, quotes, shield, too good to be true, vulnerable, walls

 

I had my guards up

Built impenetrable walls around me

Armed myself with a shield of indifference

To escape the hurt

To protect my vulnerable heart

From breaking again

 

I’m terrified

Of entering uncharted emotional territory

Of baring my soul, time and time again

And then you came along

Became the reason

For the smile upon my lips

The gleam in my eyes

You whispered sweet nothings

And ever so gently

Swept me off my feet

Until, it felt too good to be true

With a sinking heart, I asked you to retreat

 

Our goodbye

Made a chink in my Armour