To Sanah

Reblogged from Through the Mind and in the Wind:

I've read too much,

And you have stirred my soul as such:

To you I write this poem,

For you write with more than wisdom,

I saw frankness and confidence,

As to drop me to silence,

The way it flows,

Makes me shiver in my clothes,

Making the expected rhymes and rhythm,

Yet  written by you made it atypical just as this sentence is full of freedom,

Read more… 99 more words

A year ago this absolutely wonderful poet called Ricardo J Rodriguez wrote a poem for me. Till date I haven't quite got over it. I never thought anybody would read my poems let alone be inspired by them. There are not enough words to express my gratitude. God bless you Ricardo and may your dreams come true. :)

Friends for (N)ever

Tags

deceived, drone, emotional fool, empathy, failed romance, final straw, forgiven, friends for never, gullible, guy chosen over friend, hollow apologies, ingratitude, lies, manipulate, pictures, poem, quotes, rants, self-centered, shallow, taken for granted, thankless, trample upon trust, under appreciate, wretch

You’ve sucked

Every drop of empathy left in me

With your ingratitude

You deceived me with your lies

Took me for a ride

Not once, twice or thrice

But countless times

And I like a gullible fool

Let my anger subside

Forgave you each time

Believed your hollow apologies

Didn’t I deserve to know the truth?

How could you trample upon my trust

With such ease?

 

The final straw came

When you chose a guy

You hardly knew for months

Over me, a friend of 4 years

For the second time in a row

Never knew you were so self-centered

So shallow

 

You always underappreciated me

Took me for granted

Since in your heart you knew

I’d be there for you

Whenever you wanted

I sacrificed my sleep

To listen to your endless rants

About your failed romance

I fought with my parents

To come and see you

Alone, I travelled so far

Should’ve realized

You aren’t worth the effort

A thankless wretch

Is who you truly are

 

You were my utmost priority

I loved you like a sister

Treated you like family

But I’ve had enough of you

I won’t let you manipulate me

Won’t take you back

Even if you implore

No, nothing’s like before

My heart’s so sore

No, I don’t need you anymore

Still the Same

Tags

confines of bubble, dependence, drunk on me, exasperated, fight battles alone, lose way, mismatched, nurse bruises, overcome depression, pictures, poem, poison of choice, push away, quotes, share troubles, spiral out of control, still the same, turn life around, won't leave in the lurch

 

I left, thinking

In my absence you will

Overcome the depression spells

Turn your life around

Pick yourself up off the ground

I thought wrong

You haven’t changed a bit

You’ve been drunk on me

All along

 

I left, exasperated

You refused

To come out of your shell

To step beyond

The confines of your bubble

To share your troubles

To reach out for help

When things spiralled out of control

When you began to stumble

You wanted to fight your battles alone

So, I powerlessly watched you crumble

 

I still am

A poison of your choice

A filthy habit you can’t leave

Someone you blindly believe

It’s time you stop being so naive

 

Remember,

You pushed me away

When you lost your way

You thought

Your problems

Would weigh me down

That I’d leave you in the lurch

You thought wrong

I wanted to nurse your bruises

All along

But now we don’t belong

 

You’re still the same

Too dependent

Yet emotionally detached

It’s nobody’s fault

We’re just mismatched

One Sided Love

Tags

break free, diverse array, emotional pain, free spirit, growing weaker, hapless victim, heart, losing hope, mirage, one sided love, pictures, poem, quotes, rise above rejection, soul sister, stab, susceptible, unrequited love

 

It’s like a stab to my heart

It kills me

To see my soul sister

Grow weaker

Lose hope, her happy spirit

With every passing minute

As she holds onto someone

Who doesn’t want to be held onto

As she runs after a mirage

Prays for the impossible

Makes herself susceptible

To diverse array of emotional pain

Struggles to prove her love to win him back

As he pushes her aside over and over again

 

She knows she should break free

Rise above rejection and move on

But no matter what I say

Or how hard she tries

She can’t convince her heart otherwise

 

My soul sister

Earlier, a free spirit

Now, a hapless victim of one sided love

Time Zones away

Tags

balancing act, blues, brighten, communication, heavy lids, husky voice, long distance, marine, pictures, poem, quotes, sattelite number, soaring heart, sweet nothings, time difference, time zones, trust, ungodly hours, whisper

When your satellite number

Flashes on my phone

Even at ungodly hours

It floods me with tremendous joy

A few minutes of whispering sweet nothings

Just the sound of your voice

Is all I need

To brighten my weekends

To blow my blues away

A perfect start to a Sunday

 

Today

As I answered the phone

With heavy lids and a soaring heart

Your husky, sleepy voice greeted tiredly

It is then that realisation

Dawned on me

Never before have I felt so guilty

And so I remorsefully concede

I’m consumed by greed

For your affection

Dear, you’re all I need

 

Your balancing act

Juggling work and life

Is starting to wear you out

But all I ask for is a little of your time

 

Am I asking for too much, love?

 

Thoughts of You

Tags

bereft, hurt, incessant, invade, letting go, move on, obsession, pictures, poem, quotes, reflecting, self-sacrifice, thoughts, unsolicited advice, vice

Every now and then

Thoughts invade my mind

Of you

Of us

Of the past left behind

 

So I sit back and reflect on

Your gratuitous,

Incessant self sacrifice

Your well-meaning yet meddlesome,

Unsolicited advice

Your excessive obsession with me

Was your worst vice

Disguised under the misnomer of love

How I had to leave

When you gave me no room to breathe

When push came to shove

 

It saddens me to remember

The way I left

The things I said which left you bereft

Of sleep, love and happiness

And so I apologize

For the countless

Moments, you felt you weren’t good enough

Not being there, when times were rough

But don’t wait for me

It’s time you let me go

It’s time you stopped living each day in sorrow

Cancer Stick

Tags

acrid, ashtray, broken, cancer stick, damaged goods, discolouration, lightheaded, musky, nicotine, odor, pictures, poem, prisoner of past, smoking the pain away, tattered, tranquil, tremor

Fingers

With fingernails painted

A subtle shade of blue

Concealing the discolouration

A nasty yellow hue

Reek of heavy

Musky

Acrid odor

Move back and forth

In a rhythmic order

It’s her fourth

Cancer stick

When the nicotine hits

Lightheaded, she starts feeling sick

Her insides are burning

Like the cigarettes she puffs

But her tranquil and reserved exterior

Gives nothing away

Her fingers slightly tremor

As she flicks the ash into the ashtray

She smokes her pain away

 

Labelled as damaged goods

By a person who once mattered

Here she lies broken and tattered

Like the formless gray residue

In the ashtray

A prisoner of the past

She smokes her pain away

Blow to Ego

Tags

arrogance, blow, brazen, ego, flattered, goodbye, ignored, impudence, infidelities, judgmental, pathetically pleading, patronize, pictures, poem, put on pedestal, quotes, reconcile, resounding silence, sham, temperamental, unfamiliar

It’s a massive blow

To your larger than life ego

You’re unfamiliar

With being ignored

Accustomed to

Being adored

 

You boast about your infidelities

Often flattered by dim-witted beauties

You’re always put on a pedestal

Forgiven for

Being judgmental

Terribly temperamental

 

After patronizing me every minute of the day

You have the nerve to contact me

And brazenly say

Let’s forget the past and reconcile

But I see right through your sham

Stop pathetically pleading, it’s futile

 

I want nothing to do with you

I’m stunned at your impudence

You’ll be met with resounding silence

No matter how much you try

You should’ve treated me better

But don’t lose sleep

I’ve already bid you goodbye

Behind Closed Doors

Tags

alter ego, behind closed doors, chaos, depression, hysterical, mentally unstable, monologue, mood swings, offensive, pictures, poem, quote, shouting obscenities, suspicion

The mother is hysterical

Out of control

Her malevolent alter ego

Has taken momentary possession of her soul

She’s shouting obscenities

Her shrill voice echoes

In the hollowed unfurnished room

The scene is all too familiar

But every time it evokes fear

Of the impending doom

*Clash*

She smashes a glass

Shards scatter across the floor

She storms off and slams the door

 

The father speaks to her patiently

Firmly

Tries to reason with her

To make her see sense

Convinces her to not take offence

At every action

To not be suspicious

Of everyone’s intention

When she accuses him of unspeakable things

He loses his composure

Raises his voice,

His hand,

BUT stops midway

He can’t do it

He walks away

 

The boy walks down

A flight of stairs

Out of the house

Away from the chaos

His mother’s loud monologue

Faints, as he moves farther

His eyes brim with tears

His limbs collapse

Perhaps,

He’s better off on his own

He cannot live any further

With his mentally unstable mother

Lingering Suspense

Tags

clammy, dream, drudgery, exam result, lingering, palpitations, parched, pictures, poem, queasy, quote, suspense, sweat trickles, tremble

My fingers linger over the keyboard

Lips move in silent prayer

Stomach growls and groans

Growing queasier by the second

Never before has this happened

Rib cage vibrates with every palpitation

Clammy fingers tremble

Warm beads of sweat

Trickle through my temple

Down my cheek

I hear questions being asked in the distance

My throat feels parched, I cannot speak

 

Mind wills me to type

Those seven cursed digits

That will reveal the result of a yearlong drudgery

And just as I look at the screen

My alarm goes off

Waking me up at the climax of my dream

 

And suspense lingers in the air. .

Dearth of Compassion

Tags

compassion, dearth, domestic violence, harassment, honour killings, hostility, humanity, insanity, massacre, morality, objectification, oppressed, pictures, poem, possession of guns, quotes, rape, take a stand, treason, women

What has the world come to?

How can honour killing be justified

In the name of religion?

There’s no rhyme or reason

When it comes to crime and treason

I’m ashamed to be a part

Of this barbarous society

Where women are objectified

Their basic rights are denied

They’re beaten, harassed

Left to bear the brunt of men’s hostility

Oppressed, constantly silenced

Stripped of their dignity

 

There’s dearth of compassion

No sense of morality

The newspapers full with tales of

Massacre, rape and merciless savagery

 

If we don’t take a stand against this insanity

It’ll very soon be the end of humanity

Breaking Point

Tags

accepting mistakes, blame game, breaking point, conflicts, ego, integrity, picture, poem, premeditated, quote, resentment, resolve, retaliating, ruminating, scars, sorry

I can’t battle with your ego anymore

Your premeditated acts to test me

Have left many scars

Enough to last me a lifetime

No longer would I apologize

For faults that aren’t mine

 

I’m tired of taking the initiative

To resolve conflicts

Often compromising my integrity

Is accepting mistakes and admitting your faults

Beneath your dignity

 

You hold onto resentment

Ruminate about hurtful events

Point fingers of blame at me

Retaliate

Inanely reiterate

 

You’ve driven me to a breaking point

Don’t let me slip through your fingers

Don’t let me walk away

A simple sorry is all I need

All I need to stay 

I Surrender

Tags

anticipating, anxiety, apathy, deceit, disappointing, distraction, expectations, failure, faith, lack of stress, lost momentum, lost sensibility, picture, poem, procrastination, progress, quote, result, rock bottom, searing fear, self-loathing, surrender, trepidation, troublesome sleep, unintentional

I can’t do it dear father

I don’t have what it takes to compete

I’ve filled your ears with lies

The promise in my eyes

An unintentional deceit

 

I’ve lost faith in myself

Have found self-loathing

My nonexistent progress

It’s the chief cause of my lack of stress

 

Vulnerable to procrastination

Apathy and distraction

I’ve hit rock bottom

Have lost all momentum

All sensibility

There’s no trepidation of failure

No troublesome sleep

No anxiety, no searing fear

 

I can’t meet your expectations

I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me

The results will be disappointing

Not even close to what you’re anticipating

Under A Dark Cloud

Tags

against, alive, confront, crisis hotline, dark cloud, depression, dread, dreams, dust, fears, odds, pics, poem, quotes, survive, thrive, under, upside down

 

 

How do you feel?

When all odds are against you

When nothing is in your favour

When your dreams turn to dust

When there’s none worthy of your trust

 

What do you do?

When your life turns upside down

When the sun refuses to shine

When you dread every waking moment

When you’re reluctant to call a crisis hotline

 

Will you flee or confront your fears?

Do you want to thrive or merely survive?

If you’re not living the life you want

Is there any point in being alive?

An Uninvited Guest

Tags

auditory hallucinations, broken record, crystal clear, demonic-possession, echoes, etched, experiments, fatal, give up, guest, pics, poem, quotes, suicide, uninvited, voice in head

A crystal clear voice

Echoes in her head

Playing the same message

Like a broken record

She hears it day and night

It tells her to give up

That life isn’t worth the fight

 

An uninvited guest

It keeps her awake

Dictates her to make

Poor choices against her better judgment

To repeatedly try fatal experiments

 

It’s permanently etched in her memory

The clarity makes it practically hallucinatory

She feels like a victim

Of demonic-possession

The voice seems so real and concrete

But confiding in him only aggravated his grief

So, she chooses to remain discreet

 

A crystal clear voice

Echoes in her head

It says life is no joyride

You know you want to die

And so it continues to plan her suicide

6 Yard Wonder

Tags

6 yard wonder, accentuate, blouse, class, clothing, elegance, embroidery, essence, ethnic, farewell party, fashion, femininity, grace, midriff, pleats, poem, pride, rich colours, saree, sensuous, silk chiffon, style, traditional, waist, wardrobe

In India at the end of our last year of school we have a little party called “Farewell Party” organized by the juniors for the seniors.
Sadly I’ve reached that stage of my life. It’s too soon to say goodbye to school. I don’t think I’m ready to face the big bad world yet.
Nevertheless, my farewell party was a smashing hit. The senior girls proudly strutted sari-clad while the junior girls had to wear salwar kameez.
I even got a badge that said “Ms Twinkle Toes”. Ha! My eccentric dancing skills finally paid off. Trust me, it isn’t easy to even move in a saree though I’m completely smitten by it.

For those of you who don’t know what a saree is, here’s a little something I wrote about it:

A saree is
A 6 yard wonder
The most sensuous
Traditional attire
The finest garment
Every woman’s desire

It partially exposes the midriff
Highlights the waist
On one side
The perfect even pleats and the matching blouse
Accentuate, complete the look
It’s a wardrobe’s glory and pride

Sarees come in rich colours and designs
Sported in different styles and drapes
Embroidered or printed
On tussar silk, chiffon and crepe

It renders class and grace to the wearer
Appeals to the contemporary and ethnic genre
Adds charm to appearance
Reflects the true essence of an Indian woman
It’s the epitome of femininity and elegance

With a friend

Temporary Break

Tags

apprehensive, art, blank pages, books, break, chewed pen cap, consistency, empty spaces, exams, hate studying, heart, imagination, incompetence, leisurely, loathe, messily, nibble, scribble, temporary, unmotivated, wild, writing

There’s no time

To messily scribble

To gently nibble

On an already chewed pen

To leisurely sit in my den

Fill these blank pages

And the empty spaces

Of my heart

To pour art

Into words

But alas, I cannot write anymore

Cannot let my imagination run wild

These books I’ve come to loathe

Are untidily piled

Mocking me, reminding me

Of my incompetence and lack of consistency

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

First of all, A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my dear readers and fellow bloggers!

May this year bring you bountiful peace, happiness and prosperity.

Only 59 days are left for the most important examinations of my life to commence. The result will make or break my future. I’m completely unmotivated and apprehensive and I will have to fight the urge to write till the end of March. My parents have high expectations and I REALLY don’t want to let them down. Things are not looking good, though.

I apologize from the bottom of my heart if I haven’t replied to your comments yet.

It’s the first thing I will do after my examinations get over.

Thank you for visiting my blog. :)

Inevitable Farewell

Tags

again, best friend, bittersweet, buried, change, childhood, deep, empty, farewell, four years, glorious, grown close, heart, imperfectly, implore, inevitable, memories, pictures, poem, quotes, real, see, talking, true, wee hours, zeal

Please don’t go

Don’t leave me all alone

We’ve grown

So close

You were always there

Whenever a problem arose

 

Staying up into the wee hours

Of the glorious morning

Sharing our bittersweet childhood memories

Buried so deep

Talking till there’s nothing left to say

Talking till we fell asleep

 

Please don’t go

Don’t leave me empty hearted

There is none like you

So imperfectly true

 

I feel like I’ve known you forever

Though it’s only been four years

I haven’t seen you in ages

Now I’m almost afraid

To see you again

And it drives me insane

 

Please don’t go

Don’t leave me hanging

For another half year

You’re the best friend I ever had

I’m really sorry

I know it makes you sad

To hear these words ever so often

I can’t fight this feeling anymore

But with a heavy heart

I say I won’t implore

You to stay

There’s no choice

It’s your career

You have to go away

 

I know you’ll wait

You know I’ll miss you

Don’t lose your zeal

Don’t let the world change you

Dear best friend, you’re so

Imperfectly true

Elixir of Death

Tags

alcohol, booze, cruise, daydreams, death, drunk, elixir, falling apart, freewheeling, fumbling, groggy eyes, hue and cry, intoxicated, lose, never-never land, pictures, poem, quixotic, quotes, rethink, sedated, sinking feeling, thrive, wobbly legs

Intoxicated
Heavily sedated
On the elixir of death
Groggy eyes, wobbly legs
A sinking feeling
Fumbling, freewheeling
My soul has grown wings
Soaring hundreds of feet high
Away from the hue and cry
Don’t nudge me
Don’t you dare judge me
Don’t deny
Me of my pleasure
Of being in this never -never land
Sobriety will transport me to reality
Will rob me of my quixotic daydreams
Cheers!
Here’s to me and my pathetic existence
Falling apart at the seams

A message for everyone:

Alcohol is not the solution to your problems.

Rethink
Your third drink
Life can be snatched away in a wink
Allow life to thrive
Don’t drink and drive
You booze, you cruise, you lose

My Riposte

Tags

akin, amends, answer, bordering, conversations, disregard, ego, emotionally, forgive, friends, inappropriate, intellectually, lonelier, lunacy, moodier, morality, narcissistic, overgrow, painted tee, pictures, poem, quotes, riposte, sublime, text, unapologetic, urge

31st January 2011

Remember Arya and Slutgun? 

Last night I received a text (in bold letters) and here’s the answer in an undaunted even slightly aggressive and poetic manner.

You pissed at me because I don’t text at night?

No because I used to and you never bothered to reply

Or simply

Once in a while, sent me an emoticon

What is that even supposed to imply?

 

You pissed at me because I don’t call?

You haven’t since I left

Two years ago

It’s time you outgrow

Your ego

 

Because I didn’t give the appropriate reaction

When we spoke in BP?

Is that when you made me wait

Came half and hour late

Unapologetic,

Fixated on my weight?

 

Because I’m not begging for my t-shirt,

For every detail of your life?

As far as I can remember

We painted the tee together

I’d gladly parcel it to you

It’s not an issue

 

Because I’m this narcissistic science bitch?

Narcissistic? Yes but never a bitch

Science has nothing to do

With morality

This is how you’ve always been

We were intellectually

But never emotionally akin

 

Because I made friends you don’t like?

I never questioned

Your choice of friends

Then, why this sudden urge

To make amends?

Is it because they too

Couldn’t understand you?

 

Look, are we even friends anymore?

After you’ve read so far

It’d be surprising if I said yes

But I’m a person of my word

I meant it when I said

I wouldn’t change you for the world

 

You can give me the answer, and whatever it is,

I’d take it gladly.

I bet my answer caught you off guard

But it wasn’t written with disregard

 

I’m a terrible friend,

I told you earlier.

And lonelier and moodier

 

Just say what’s in you head

And let it be over with.

I just did though

I’ve been holding this in

For a really long time

Our relationship is based on lunacy

Often bordering on the sublime